{"id":1617,"date":"2025-03-09T10:28:48","date_gmt":"2025-03-09T15:28:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/swsecrets.net\/?p=1617"},"modified":"2025-03-09T11:27:51","modified_gmt":"2025-03-09T16:27:51","slug":"observe-vs-absorb","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/swsecrets.net\/?p=1617","title":{"rendered":"Observe vs. Absorb"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Have you ever walked away from a conversation feeling emotionally drained, like you\u2019ve taken on someone else\u2019s stress, anger, or sadness? If you\u2019re in a helping profession, a leadership role, or even just a deeply empathetic person, this experience is probably all too familiar.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, my therapist shared a concept with me that hit home in a big way: Observe vs. Absorb.<\/strong> As someone who has always carried the weight of others\u2019 emotions, taken on guilt that isn\u2019t mine, and felt responsible for everyone else\u2019s happiness\u2014often at the expense of my own\u2014this idea challenged the way I show up for others and, more importantly, for myself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

At its core, this concept is about how we engage with the emotions of those around us. Instead of absorbing<\/strong> their feelings\u2014internalizing their stress, frustration, or sadness\u2014we can observe<\/strong> them. When we absorb, we make their emotions our own, often leading to defensiveness, burnout, or misplaced guilt. But when we observe, we create space to understand, validate, and respond with clarity rather than reaction.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And as my therapist put it, \u201cYou don\u2019t take in ANYTHING that belongs to someone else, and no matter how big and bad their storm is raging- you just hold fast as a safe space.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why We Absorb<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

For many of us, absorbing emotions is an automatic response. We might do it because we care deeply and want to help. Some of us feel responsible for fixing things. We may have been raised in environments where emotions were contagious. And sometimes, we struggle with boundaries\u2014where defining where we end and others begin is a real challenge.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Picture yourself as a sponge<\/strong>. At first, we take on small amounts of \u201cwater\u201d (other people\u2019s stress, sadness, or frustration). Over time, we get heavier and heavier, holding onto \u201cwater\u201d (emotions) that was never ours to carry. Eventually, we become so heavy and saturated that we start to spill over\u2014whether in the form of exhaustion, resentment, or emotional burnout. Instead, we want to see ourselves as an anchor – We hold space for everyone to have their own feelings. We can hold the boat and help strategize their problem. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Choosing to Observe<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Observing doesn\u2019t mean we stop caring. It means we witness<\/strong> someone\u2019s emotions without making them our own. It allows us to recognize and acknowledge emotions without being consumed by them. It helps us to stay present without reacting with defensiveness. When we observe, we can respond with empathy rather than absorption, support rather than self-sacrifice<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How to Shift from Absorbing to Observing<\/h3>\n\n\n\n