{"id":674,"date":"2017-12-21T22:32:14","date_gmt":"2017-12-22T04:32:14","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/swsecrets.net\/?p=674"},"modified":"2018-06-15T22:45:09","modified_gmt":"2018-06-16T03:45:09","slug":"the-gift-of-giving-to-yourself","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/swsecrets.net\/?p=674","title":{"rendered":"The Gift Of Giving…To Yourself."},"content":{"rendered":"

\"A97CBE5B-1B1F-43C2-BC54-5829E98FA3D3\"<\/a><\/p>\n

I’ll be honest, the\u00a0this time of year\u00a0is really difficult for me.\u00a0Along with all the parts\u00a0I look forward to around the holidays such as gift-giving, parties, paid time off, traditions with family, and Christmas treats also comes a caseload of clients that doubles in size overnight.\u00a0Every year I tell myself I will be stronger, I tell myself that it will get better, and remind myself that I can’t save the world; I can’t bring the world home with me for Christmas. But, every year I still break down and cry…A lot.
\nThe holidays are usually a time that I reflect on\u00a0the clients I have had the privilege to work with over the years. I recall their stories, and I remember that many of them\u00a0do not have the opportunity to receive or give gifts, to go to parties, to take off work, to spend time with family, or to have a warm meal to eat….
\nI have\u00a0mourned with kids in psychiatric facilities whose family did not visit them over Christmas. I have\u00a0been a shoulder to cry on for a man who had no one to spend the holidays with, and was too embarrassed to tell anyone about it. I have\u00a0tried to find the silver lining for the girl who told\u00a0me that she has never opened a Christmas gift in her life. And I continuously work with individuals whose\u00a0behaviors escalate\u00a0around the holidays due to the trauma\u00a0they’ve endured, and then watching as those around them lose empathy because\u00a0they do not understand it.
\nI can’t keep up with the demands of the job because I cannot make people’s pain disappear, and the holidays alway remind me of that. It’s hard for me to look forward to time with my own family when I spend the days leading up to\u00a0the holidays in constant crisis mode with my clients who have been sexually assaulted, physically and emotionally abused, and have nowhere to go. I struggle to leave work at work and take a break because I know someone might need me, and I can’t be there for them…This is called secondary trauma<\/em><\/strong>, or compassion fatigue<\/em><\/strong>, if you will, and it can affect any one of us at any given time. We take on our clients\u2019 problems and stress, we let their stories affect our personal lives, \u00a0we develop our own triggers, we become hyper-vigilant, and ultimately we burn out. That\u2019s why people who work in the helping profession often have a high turnover rate…we give too much of ourselves.
\nI always ask myself why<\/em>…Why<\/em>\u00a0do I get to look forward to the holidays when it brings so much pain to some people? I get mad that the world isn’t fair and\u00a0get discouraged because there is nothing I can do to change that.\u00a0At the end of the day,\u00a0 I always remind myself that I have done my best<\/em>, but sometimes telling myself that isn’t enough to make the pain and frustrations dissipate. It isn’t enough to ‘leave it at the door’ when I get home because I am still empathizing with those less fortunate than myself. If I only had a nickel for every time someone asked me how I take care of myself with such an intense job, I think I’d have enough money to buy every client plenty of gifts to go around! That being said, the way I get by each holiday and stay sane is to take care of myself and keep my compassion fatigue<\/em><\/strong> in check. Regardless of your field of world and how stressful or enjoyable your job may be, we all need to take care of ourselves and be sure we put ourselves first sometimes.
\nHere are some quick and easy ways I do that:<\/p>\n

1. Check In….<\/strong> I check in with myself every day; physically, mentally, and emotionally. I tune into how tense I am, what is causing me stress and\/or joy, how tired I am, what I am thinking about, etc… Just check in <\/em>and take a pause. Know where you are at and be mindful of yourself, first and foremost. This can take no more than 5 minutes, but it ensures that each day you don’t forget about yourself and become mindful of how you feel. This helps me approach each day more thoughtfully and think about myself throughout the day, which is easy for me to forget to do.
\nClick here<\/a> for another perspective on checking in.<\/p>\n

2. Be Kind… <\/strong>Not\u00a0<\/strong>only to others, but to yourself. Be easy on yourself. Know that you are working hard. We get ridiculed enough in this society as it is, the least you can do is be nice to yourself and give yourself a compliment now and again.\u00a0You\u00a0 can always find something positive to say about yourself, and make it a daily habit. It\u2019s easier to be kind on the outside when we are first kind on the inside. And I find myself more kind to others when I am first<\/em> kind to myself. By being more kind to myself, I have actually found that mean\/rude people don’t bother me as much; I am nice to people even when they aren’t nice to me. And sometimes that is just what they need because clearly they’re having a worse day than I am.<\/p>\n

3. Focus on what is in your control…<\/b>\u00a0As you could have guessed, I can’t bring all of my past and current clients home with me for the holidays. Clearly, that is out of my control. I need to remind myself of the actions I have taken to try and produce the best outcome, but the outcome itself isn’t something I can predict. The holidays may bring extra frustrations or unpredictability, but it does no good to be upset over something I cannot do anything about.
\nWhen things arise that cause anxiety and frustration, just check in<\/em> and ask yourself what about that situation you\u2019re able to change, do it, and leave the rest behind.<\/p>\n

4. Take Breaks…<\/strong>\u00a0Let me spell it out for you, PTO…P-A-I-D\u00a0 \u00a0T-I-M-E\u00a0 \u00a0O-F-F. I know it’s hard to imagine, but the world will still\u00a0revolve in your absence. People will get by if you’re not there. You earned time off, take it. We all need breaks. If we don’t take breaks we are burning ourselves out and that only affects the people around us, and the clients we are trying to serve. We cannot be our best selves in the work place if we are not taking breaks. Life is more than just working all the time. Try to rid yourself of the guilt\u00a0because if you aren\u2019t your best self for you, you sure as heck can\u2019t be for anyone else. Breaks help give us some clarity and relief. Enjoy that vacation in Hawaii!<\/p>\n

5. Cry…<\/strong> I hate crying. I hate it. And I do not do if often, so when I do I know that it’s needed. And every time I break down I feel better. We have emotions, people! We always get mad and embarrassed with ourselves for feeling the way we feel rather than just accepting it and letting it flow. You can’t control your emotions, but you can control how you react to them.<\/em>
\nWe have to get our feelings out and be honest with ourselves. Not only does it feel better and help us come to terms\u00a0with things, but it brings a sense of relief. And it ensures you that you won\u2019t go and unexpectedly word vomit your emotions onto\u00a0someone else.
\nClick here<\/a> to read another one of my blogs on this topic.<\/p>\n

6. Decide what self care means to you….<\/strong> In my trainings, when I ask people what self care means to them, often they say things like taking a bath, going on vacation, getting their nails done, going hunting, etc.. But self care is SO much more than that.\u00a0Really<\/em> ask yourself what self care means to you,\u00a0it’s more than just this surface-level stuff. Dig deeper, there\u2019s always more we can be doing for ourselves to ensure our happiness and health is where it needs to be. My self care absolutely includes vacations, getting my nails done, playing basketball, etc.. But it also includes all of the helpful tips above plus many more.
\nOne of my favorite self care exercises is what I simply refer to as happy thoughts<\/strong>. Sometimes it is easy to let negativity sink in without even recognizing it. It’s these times when we don’t give ourselves enough credit and say something hurtful about our character or our physical appearance. So, when that happens I practice what it referred to as ‘thought stopping’ in the social work world, and replace those icky thoughts with one of my handy dandy happy thoughts<\/strong> I keep stored away.<\/p>\n

We all have tough days, and we need to be easier on ourselves in order to get through them.\u00a0A little gratitude, kindness, and self love can go a long way.<\/p>\n

If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete ~<\/em><\/p>\n

-keep shining<\/p>\n

For additional holiday blog posts, click here<\/a>\u00a0and keep scrolling.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I’ll be honest, the\u00a0this time of year\u00a0is really difficult for me.\u00a0Along with all the parts\u00a0I look forward to around the holidays such as gift-giving, parties, paid time off, traditions with family, and Christmas treats also comes a caseload of clients that doubles in size overnight.\u00a0Every year I tell myself I will be stronger, I tell myself that it will get better, and remind myself that I can’t save the world; I can’t bring the world […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[342],"tags":[181,315,90,313,318,202,312,48,91,140,314,96,97,86,319,317,316],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/swsecrets.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/674"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/swsecrets.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/swsecrets.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/swsecrets.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/swsecrets.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=674"}],"version-history":[{"count":13,"href":"http:\/\/swsecrets.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/674\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":701,"href":"http:\/\/swsecrets.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/674\/revisions\/701"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/swsecrets.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=674"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/swsecrets.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=674"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/swsecrets.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=674"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}