SECRETS OF A SOCIAL WORKER

Find peace.Find happiness.Find yourself

Author: MelKai23 (Page 28 of 30)

I want to share my stories as a social worker, tips I learn along the way, and encouraging thoughts to help motivate others.

Life’s Too Short

October 8, 2015 / / 0 Comments

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It’s true…. Life is WAY to short to be unhappy. Our days here truly are limited, so it’s really important that we make the most of it. We really do exhaust ourselves without even realizing it a lot of the time. From work loads that seem to follow us home, children and their busy schedules, laundry (my personal favorite), oh  the list goes on and on!

During my travels to other countries, I have learned that we in the U.S. are really materialistic, hard working people. We work, a lot. We work hard, and we are constantly on the go. We spend hours upon hours working to afford that gorgeous $300,000 home, but never spend any time in that new home because we are always working! Ironic, isn’t it?

I remember hearing this question once and it has really stuck with me. I believe it went something like this… “The day when you are on your death bed, who do you want beside you? Your job, or your family and friends?” For me, this was really powerful. Where do you want to spend a lot of your time? Consumed by your work, or being happy spending time with those you love? Which one of those options will be there for you in your final days?

Now I am not saying work is not important. I love my job, and we need to work to meet our needs. But, to be happy means to find balance.

Where do we find balance? Where can we find some peace and happiness, and learn to do things for ourselves once in a while?

You’ve got to learn to make time to be happy! Do what you love, and love spending time with yourself. It’s so important to spend time by yourself and get to know the person you are. It is so important to love yourself before giving ourselves to everyone else. It is okay to be selfish sometimes!

Have you ever been asked the question what are the things you love most in your life? And how many times on our long list of things we love do we mention ourselves? Probably never! We need to love ourselves in order to be happy. And in order to be happy we need to take breaks from every day monotony to enjoy what we love. Make a list of things you want to make more time for, whether it’s watching a movie once a week or going on a trip. But, remember to put yourself at the top of that list and remember to spend time getting to know who you are.

What are things in your life (besides your charming self, of course!) that you love? What are things you wish you had more time for because they make you happy?

Make time for those things, and make time for yourself. Life is too short not to enjoy it.

‘It is not how much we have, but how much we enjoy, that makes happiness.’

-keep shining

Ground Your Way To Happiness…

September 7, 2015 / / 0 Comments

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Serenity; the state of calmness, being untroubled, and peaceful.
Doesn’t that sound amazing? I need more serenity in my life, as I am sure you do too!
One way to help become more ‘serene’ of a person is to utilize the skill of grounding.

This week’s blog has a lot of commonalities as my last blog titled “Find Your Happy Place”. I think it is so important for us as human beings to be able to find a safe place, to feel relief, to detach from painful emotions, to center ourselves, and to use distraction during tough times. I love focusing on a lot of these topics because it is something we all need to utilize more often, and we all need reminders that we are worthy of being happy.  Grounding is another healthy way in which to accomplish these things.

Grounding is a way to gain back control over our feelings. It’s a way to create balance between feeling nothing (numbness) or feeling too much (overwhelmed, stressed). It helps us stay in touch with the present moment and to not judge. In grounding, we stay completely neutral. For example, instead of saying ‘that carpet is red, and I hate the color of red because it reminds me of anger’, just simply notice in your mind that the carpet is red and move on, staying neutral.

I have a few favorite grounding techniques that I will share with you today. Please know there are tons more grounding technique ideas that you can research and utilize on your own, or create your own to make them special to you. There are ways in which to utilize physical grounding and mental grounding as I will explain next.

The good news is that physical grounding is really easy! For me, it is as simple as running my hands under cold water, stretching, touching objects around me, paying attention to my breathing and footsteps…Really taking the time to slow down and notice my physical self and physical surroundings. A lot of us run from one thing to the next, not even focusing on or realizing what we are currently doing. Physical grounding is a way to focus and remind yourself of your present moment and where you are at. I know some people who keep an object (rock, penny, picture) in their pocket or on a dresser, in their office, etc…They touch this object and remind themselves of staying in the present moment.

Mental grounding is where it gets more difficult because typically we are pretty hard on ourselves, and typically it is hard to let go of negative feelings we have towards ourselves or others. It is difficult to not feel overwhelmed by our busy lives. Below are two of my favorite mental grounding techniques:

#1…Look around you and find 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. This will help you to feel more in control of your surroundings.

#2…Four-Square Breathing. Put your tongue on the roof of your mouth and breathe through your nose for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, and take 4 seconds to release through your mouth (tongue still on the roof of your mouth). Wait 4 seconds, and repeat a total of 4 times…Or more if needed! It is important to breathe from our stomachs during this exercise.

Other ways to stay mentally grounded are to play a categories game with yourself (list types of dogs, musical artists, TV shows, names of athletes, etc.). Or reading out loud, saying every word slowly to yourself. Use humor! Count to 10 or sing the alphabet (I do this when I am upset, typically before I respond to the person who has upset me). Repeat a favorite saying to yourself (such as a bible verse), or use a  statement that you created (‘I am worthy of being happy, I love myself, I need to slow down today’). Make sure your statements are kind and uplifting(‘I am a great person with a good heart, I am just going through a tough time right now’). Think about your favorite things (food, music, sport, activity…). Plan out, in detail, a fun treat for yourself (having some candy, getting a massage…). Have photos of or picture in your mind people you really care about…

Also, it is important to use a lot of imagination. For example, let’s say you are trying to get away from some pain you are experiencing. Really imagine yourself, in creative detail, leaving that pain behind. Something such as riding a bike through mountains and waterfalls getting away from your pain. Sounds cheesy, but it helps!

As I mentioned in my ‘Happy Place’ blog, practice a lot to help become one step closer to a more serene self. Find which techniques work best for you, and make them unique to yourself. Repeat the techniques until they become habit, and take note of whether you are more successful at mental or physical grounding techniques. Get yourself more familiar with other grounding techniques I did not mention here, or techniques you create yourself.

Also, do not underestimate the power of silence when utilizing grounding techniques. Try spending time in silence to assist in becoming one step closer to serenity. We don’t always have to have noise around us. Silence is golden.

Choose your thoughts carefully. Keep what brings you peace, release what brings you suffering. And know that happiness is just a thought away.

–keep shining

 

 

 

Find Your Happy Place

August 17, 2015 / / 0 Comments

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Ever walk into a room and forget why you went there in the first place? That’s because a change in environment changes our thought process and our mood. A lot can change in our mood and behaviors based on our environment and how we choose to utilize it. That’s why it is so important that we have a certain happy place in our minds and in our hearts.

When we don’t have the opportunity to change our physical environment, we can still change the environment in our minds by finding our happy place. This helps to alter our attitudes and the way we respond to what happens to us.

Where is the place you love to be? The place you love to go to because it feels peaceful, tranquil, and relaxing. The place that helps get your mind off all the stressors in life, and gives you a break from it all. Think about that place.

Once you confirm that special place that allows you to feel all warm and fuzzy inside, think about the word that you would best associate with that place. For me, the place that gives me peace and comfort is our family lake home. The word I associate with my happy place is birch – I’ll get back to this later.

There is a type of therapy used for people with post traumatic stress disorder called EMDR (eye movement desensitization and  reprocessing). One of the focuses of this therapy is to find your happy place during tough times.

In times when stressful experiences occur, our ability to cope with that experience is challenging. For someone who has been through trauma, their ability to cope is even more difficult, impossible at times. There is a portion of EMDR therapy where people with trauma focus on visualizing their happy place and the word they associate with it. Then when these unfortunate experiences occur, they think of their word and their happy place immediately comes to their mind. This helps people to relax and redirect their focus, not allowing their triggers to affect their mood and behaviors.

Back to your word- have you picked one? When you do, start practicing! Do this once a day, whether or not you are experiencing a stressful situation, so this starts to become a habit for  you. When you practice, close your eyes and really think about the place; the smells, sounds, how you feel when you are there, the noises…everything.

I use this during stressful days at work, when my feelings are hurt, when I feel like my “to do” list is 20 feet long, etc. Just take a second to think about your happy place and those feelings will take over, helping you to relax. This allows me not to focus on the things that really don’t matter, and to instead allow my own happiness to take precedence. It helps me to find peace in myself and my mind.

You don’t need permission to be happy. It’s a choice that you have to make for yourself. And trust me, it’s worth it.

May you find serenity and tranquility in a world you may not always understand.

-keep shining

Dear Stress….I am breaking up with you.

July 31, 2015 / / 0 Comments

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90% of the things we stress about each day never actually happen.

….Whoah! That’s a lot of stress. That’s a lot of pointless stress.

Can you think of anything you’ve let consume your mind and it never even happened? A lot of times I stress over not meeting a work deadline, however I always get my work turned in on time. Or have you ever worried that someone is going to be mad at you, and you replay the scenario regarding what you’re going to say to them over and over in your head? And how many times does it actually end up happening?

Why do we torture ourselves so much?! I think for everyone the answer is different. But the question for me isn’t focused so much on the why, it is more so focused on the what can I do about it?

Stress is not what happens to us. It is our response to what happens. And we can choose the way we wish to respond.

For me, one aspect that helps is to focus on positive stress. Yes, the term sounds contradicting but there is such a thing as positive stress- planning for a wedding, packing for vacation, preparing for a baby…The list goes on and on! And how wonderful are those things? So, for me, I ask myself what things am I allowing to consume my mind that are positively stressful?. By thinking about and recognizing those positive things, I start to get more excited about them!

Make a list. If I start to feel overwhelmed it is really helpful to write things down and out of my brain. Whether it is a to-do list, a shopping list, a list of reminders, etc…I write it on paper or on my phone. I literally feel myself exhale as I am writing.

Can I control this? This one is difficult for me. If I am stressing over something that is out of my control, I often let my brain be consumed by it. I have to ask myself if I can control the thing that stressing me out, and if the answer is no then I have to let it go. For example, I am getting married soon (yippie!). My wedding is going to be outside, and I find myself worrying about the weather. Can I control this? Nope! So instead I focus on the fact that regardless of the weather, I am going to be married that day. And that is the goal, after all, isn’t it?!

Find a reason to smile. This one is always important. Smiling is truly one of the body’s best medicines. What helps you to relax, smile, laugh, and have fun? It’s okay to take a break and breathe once in a while, and to include laughter in that break is ideal. For me, sometimes it’s not even about laughter. It can be just finishing up a tough work out and smiling afterwards because of how good I feel.

Know that you have done your best. At the end of the day we are exhausted, aren’t we? Sometimes things don’t go as planned or we don’t get everything accomplished that we wished to. But, we have to tell ourselves that we have done the best we can. And if someone else is upset with us because of that, that is okay! Some days, especially in social work, I have to remind myself that I have done my best. There are days that I may be the only one who recognizes that, but that is okay. You must know within yourself that you made the right choices and you have to be able to accept that.

Recognize priorities. Is not getting my laundry and dishes done today really important? It this really worth stressing over all day? Of course not! If there is a list of things overwhelming you, simply eliminate the stuff that does not need to be done today and focus on the important tasks that need your attention.

Will this matter tomorrow? A week from now? A year? Ask yourself if what is overwhelming you today going to matter in the future. Is it worth your time?

Just remember: It’s not the load that breaks you, it’s the way you carry it.

Dear Stress…I am breaking up with you, for GOOD.

Sincerely, A Happier Me.

-keep shining

 

 

 

Safe Word

July 10, 2015 / / 0 Comments

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As a parent /care giver, we know teenagers can be difficult, that is no secret or surprise. We worry about teenagers and the decisions they make. It is stressful!
As a teenager, life is challenging. You’re trying to figure out who you are, who you want to be, and what choices you want to make in life. And at times, you make choices based on what your friends want and not necessarily what feels right to you.

I am sure everyone has a few situations they look back on with some regret, or knowing it was wrong. However, because our peers did it or pressured us into doing it we felt obligated. It was the “cool” thing to do, so of course we wanted to fit in!
So, how can we help? As caregivers and parents, what are some tips/tricks we can utilize to ensure our teens and children stay safe? There seems to be nothing that works at times as teens will want to be independent, and of course think we are the worst people on the face of the earth! Teenagers do know everything and have every answer, as you know 😉

I just have one simple trick to share today, and that is the create a “safe word” with your teen or child. You and your teenager can come up with a word together. Once a word is decided upon, this can be used in numerous different situations your teen is not comfortable in. For example, let’s say your teenager is at a friend’s house and the friends are doing something that makes your teen feel unsafe or uncomfortable. The teenager can text you their safe word. As a parent or caregiver, we can then call our teen telling them we need to pick them up for whatever reason we make up. This is just one example of how a “safe word” can be used.

Some people may think why not just call your parent and tell them to come get you?. Well, let’s be honest, how many teenagers are going to tell their friends they do not feel safe and want to leave? Not many.

“Safe word” also assists in helping you and your teen communicate. Start by thanking them and praising them for using the safe word (refer back to my Relationship vs. Repair blog), and then talk about what happened, or how to avoid dangers in the future.

This simple technique can also be used for children to ensure their safety. Just like you would with a teenager, you and your child create a safe word together. For this next example, let’s say the safe word you and your child created is bubblegum.  Example: Let’s say you are having neighbor Joe pick your child up from daycare because you work late. Joe has to tell your child the safe word, bubblegum, before your child will go with neighbor Joe. Let your child know to never leave with any adults unless the adult knows to say the word bubblegum. Make sense? Now, our  job as parents is be sure to tell neighbor Joe the safe word prior to picking up our child 🙂

Simple, but effective!

Safety is important. Do not feel ridiculous for wanting to double, or triple check, that your teen/child is safe. You are entitled to those feelings as a parent, and it is important that we know our children are safe.

-keep shining

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