Category: Self Development (Page 10 of 14)

A Letter To My Self Esteem….

December 27, 2016 / MelKai23 / 0 Comments

I am going to pick your brains today and ask you to read this statement, and think about whether or not you agree –In a world that profits from our self doubt, loving ourselves is a defiant act. Once you decide if you agree, think about how unfortunately true this is for us as society, both males and females.

All the diets, all the fads, the workout routines, the health shakes…. We have grown this industry so magnificently because of our continuous self doubt, self hate, and self consciousness. Of course, these businesses have also saved people’s lives, pushed people to healthier lives, and helped them lose unhealthy weight. But how powerful it must be for the health/wellness industry to know that as long as our body image continues to suffer, they are in business. As long as social media pushes perfection as reality, our self-esteem suffers and we continue to doubt ourselves.

You see, under the ‘chub rub’ between my thighs, beneath my tummy fat that jiggles when I run, and aside from the little fat roll that is created by my bra strap, is a very healthy woman. A woman who loves healthy proteins, who loves fruits and vegetables, and loves working out. A woman who does enjoy a beer from time to time, fast food, and sugary treats, but cannot enjoy these things without a little guilt sneaking in reminding me that when I eat this I will not be perfect. Underneath what you see on the surface is a woman who works hard and plays hard, and is grateful for her life. But through her constant self doubt, she forgets about this other healthy and happy side that does not need the world to reassure or judge her based on how she looks.

But how can we feel good about ourselves when we are constantly reminded of how we are supposed to look through social media and what is considered beautiful in society? That constant reminder that to be beautiful means we need to be unrealistically perfect. This makes me sad not only for myself, but for all men and women striving for this unrealistic view of beautiful. There is nothing beautiful about being perfect. Perfect is boring, and it’s impossible.

When I research and find that being 145 pounds at 26 years old is almost considered overweight, I get discouraged. I know how healthy, muscular, and curvy I am, but some days that is not enough. How can that be, though, that I’m 145 pounds and almost considered overweight, for someone who spends 5 days a week doing vigorous workouts and enjoys my protein shakes and spinach? Through the constant reminders of what beautiful is supposed to look like, I forget about the beauty of who I am sometimes…. a lot of the times. And I bet many of you have had these same thoughts and questions.

I want you all to remember:

Understand that what social media portrays is typically unrealistic. It is airbrushed, it is fake, and it is too perfect. We all know this, so we can all push back on this need to be perfect! Our significant others all know this too and do not expect perfection from us. A positive partner will want us to feel good about ourselves and be healthy.
Quit reading the magazines, the fad diets, and trying to look like perfection. This is stressful and reassures our inability to be as perfect as society tells us to be. Do not strive to look like a celebrity, strive to look like YOU!
Do what makes you happy, and ask yourself if you are living a realistic lifestyle. Can you maintain your diet and exercise? It is healthy, and do you feel good about it? It’s okay to enjoy some carbs, candy, and beer sometimes, we all deserve a break.
Feel sexy. What can you do that makes you feel like the sexy little sex kitten that you are?! Is it wearing lingerie, even if you’re the only one who sees it? Is it working out? Do this whenever possible, and tell yourself how beautiful/handsome you are!
There is nothing sexier than someone who is confident in the bedroom, and looks do not need to dictate your attitude in the bedroom.
Focus on your accomplishments. Remind yourself every day of what your accomplishments are, and what you’re internally proud of.
Spend time with supportive people…. This is huge! Having supportive, loving, and healthy people in your life will provide a more positive outlook on life.
You have to put the work in. If you do want change, and you do want to be healthier, it takes some work. You must be willing to change parts of your lifestyle, and you must be patient through the process. It is hard! Physically, mentally, and emotionally hard.
What is love? Is it looks, is it materialistic things? Of course not! You did not come to love your friends and significant other because of how they look, it is because of who they are. And people love you for who you are, and not how you look.
Know that you’re enough. You are good enough for you! You do not need to prove yourself to anyone. You do not need to impress anyone but yourself. BeYOUtiful.

Happiness is found when you stop comparing yourself to others~

-keep shining

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Happy Holidays To Me

December 6, 2016 / MelKai23 / 0 Comments

When I began to write my holiday blog this year, I was really struggling. I was struggling because I didn’t want to write the same old stuff we always read; be thankful, be grateful, get in the holiday spirit, do for others, etc… I agree that all of this is great and wonderful, as I wrote about it last year (www.swsecrets.net/?p=3), but what else can we focus on this time of year that is equally as important but less talked about? I had to sit with this thought for a few days until I really started to notice one key part of this time of year we are missing the boat on….

OURSELVES! Yes, you! This time of year is typically focused on doing good for others, fundraising, donating our time and money, buying Christmas gifts, getting good discounts, feeling the holiday cheer, and being grateful for all we have in this life….But what about YOU? None of these things can happen without you.

This time of year is hectic, and by the time Thanksgiving gets here I can already tell I need a break, and I bet you all do too. And once Thanksgiving is over, you realize that life is not slowing down anytime soon. Now it becomes the time to give back, put up the holiday lights, make Christmas plans, start planning and prepping our meals and houses for guests, and start putting holiday work parties on the calendar. Can a get a ‘yikes’ one time?! Let’s all pump the breaks, people! Take time to and focus on you, your needs, and what you want to do during this hectic time of year. Pull back on your crazy schedule and the need to focus on others, because if we aren’t mentally healthy and personally ‘up to par’ then everything else in our lives will suffer a little bit. Everything else in our lives will feel a little more exhausting, stressful, and frustrating because we are forgetting to put ourselves first.

Be selfish. Be about you. This society focuses so much on doing good for others in order to live a fulfilling life. That is so true, but don’t we need to do good for ourselves and treat ourselves well before we can focus on those around us and their needs? I will give you a hint…..The answer to this question is YES.

I know you all can agree with me on this, but the bigger question is the how? How do we take time for ourselves without feeling guilty, without feeling like other things are not going to get done, and without creating that little anxiety in our bodies if we do not get every ‘t’ crossed and every ‘i’ dotted? Let me give you a few tips and tricks to get you started on your more beautifully selfish life.

First and foremost…. It is okay to say no. We do not constantly owe our time and energy to others, and we struggle to say no without coming up with a lie or excuse. But the unfortunate alternative is we say yes, roll our eyes, and start stressing about the things that will be put on hold because we said yes to someone else other than ourselves. Practice saying no. Challenge yourself. You can even practice now. Say it with me… NO NO NO.
Didn’t that feel good?
Plan activities to do alone, and put them in your calendar. Yes, do it….Let me challenge you with this question: Realistically, if you could do anything by yourself right now or this week what would it be? What is the first thing that comes to mind for you? Okay, great. Now write that down, plan it, and put it in your schedule. I can already hear the excuses because I make them all the time (I don’t have time, I have to clean my house, I already have a full week…The list goes on and on). But, I will politely remind you to put that ‘thing’ you thought of in your schedule…..
Didn’t that feel good? And doesn’t it make you smile?
It’s not always better to give than receive. We give so much of ourselves around the holidays, but at what point do we give to ourselves? At what point do we treat ourselves? At what point to we throw our hands in the air and surrender to everything that adds up on the never-ending-to-do list? Yes, it feels good to give to others whether through volunteering, our cooking/baking, or our gift giving. But the most important relationship you will have throughout life is with yourself, and you need to nurture it. Do not always feel that in order to be a good member of society means we have to take time to give back, spend all our hard earned money on food and gifts, and not take a minute of time to ourselves between Thanksgiving and Christmas. This holiday can be about you too, if you let it.
If you want to get take-out instead, then do it. If you don’t want to put lights up on your house or decorate head to toe, then don’t. If you don’t want to go caroling with your church group, then don’t. If you don’t want to participate in your work party’s Secret Santa exchange, that is okay….Whether or not you believe me, you have a choice, and you don’t have to do all of these things. And if you’re catching my drift, then you’ll realize that it goes back to saying no. There is too much to do this time of year, and it is up to you to recognize that and then prioritize. For example, this year I was to make the pie for Thanksgiving but I bought one instead. This year my husband and I decided not to buy Christmas lights for the house or buy each other gifts. And you know what? It felt good! Don’t be a superhero this holiday season, just do what it is that you want. After all, this is your holiday season too, not just everyone else’s. Take a breath and prioritize. Your holiday will be much more enjoyable if you’re relaxed.

During these special times of year, take advantage of the opportunity you have to spend time with loved ones, have real conversations, and enjoy authentic moments.

-Happy Holidays and keep shining

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It’s A Good Week To Have A Good Week

September 12, 2016 / MelKai23 / 0 Comments

Self worth and positivity, baby, that’s where it’s at! Today’s post is all about these lovely things and how easy peezy it is to incorporate some self lovin’ and positive vibes into your every day routines. What a great way to start out the week!

Take vacations, take long vacations. None of this one-day-off junk! We all need extended time off to truly unwind and relax. Whenever I am on vacation, I find that it takes a few days for me to exhale and not think about the busy happenings of my everyday life. It is during these long breaks that we learn about ourselves, our hobbies, our minds, and what helps us to relax.
The person that you spend the most time with in your life is yourself, you better try to make yourself as interesting a possible. What do you love about yourself, outside of work? Taking time to explore yourself will help you find what makes you tick. It helps you find your self worth, and it takes more than a day of vacation to do so.
Live a ‘want to’ life. Do not go through life with the feeling of having to do everything. What do you want to do? How can you live a ‘want to’ life? Find a life worth living and never forget to do the things you enjoy. Our careers do not define us as people, and there are deeper levels and meanings to who we are. Find who you are. Find your self worth; what makes you feel valuable and unique to society? What areas of your life need to change in order to be the chooser of your own path? What makes you feel happy and fulfilled outside of work; what excites you?
Stop to smell the roses. Mindfulness, mindfulness, mindfulness…And in case you forget, here is one more mindfulness! The majority of my blogs have some aspects of being self-aware and appreciative of your surroundings. Be in the ‘now’ of your life, and if you cannot do so, then find someone or some thing that can help you achieve this.
“Stop to smell the roses” can be your reminder to live in the moment and enjoy your surroundings. What are you appreciative of and happy about right now? Be grateful for what you have every single day…even on your worst days.
Make a note to think about your roses every day. Are your roses good health, great family, and having a roof over your head…? Along with those marvelous things, I want you to dig even deeper. What are some great things you experience or have day to day that you overlook? To help you through the process, check out my Happy Things Thursday blogs!
Personally, I like to think about my roses each day before bed because it helps me to go to sleep on a positive note, and wake up feeling the same way.
It’s not about perfection, it’s about effort. That is how change and transformation happen. Give it your best shot, and at the end of the day that is all you can do. We aren’t perfect, and the more we strive to be, the more stressful and unhappy our lives become. Know that you have done your best, even if you’re the only one who notices that day. Focus on your efforts and strengths each day, as that is where the true beauty in who you are lies…This is how we create self worth. We cannot love ourselves if we don’t feel worth, and without self worth we cannot love ourselves. Be proud of your accomplishments and give yourself credit when it’s due.
Combined with the daily roses you’re going to acknowledge, try ending each day by recognizing your efforts and what you’re proud of…Go you!
Feel sexy. This goes for you too, men! It feels good to feel good! Do what makes you feel sexy- whatever that may be. We all gain confidence from feeling good. Love yourself and love your body. Be nice to yourself and use words of kindness-always. We all deserve a little sexy self talk, and sometimes we can just feel sexy for ourselves and not for anyone else.
It is possible to retrain our brains to focus more on our positive traits…to focus more on what we love about ourselves, no matter how much we have put ourselves down. Try to tell yourself each day why you feel good about YOU, which in turn helps you gain that self worth. Keep an ongoing list on your phone of what makes you so darn sexy, and keep adding to it. Then on those tougher days where you’re just not feelin’ it, you can pull out that list as a positive reminder.
To feel sexy helps us to feel confident and proud of who we are…Flaunt it!
Buy stuff and don’t feel guilty. We all deserve a little retail therapy once and a while, do we not? It is okay to treat ourselves to the occasional coffee, beer, new shoes, hunting equipment, house decor, etc. It is not going to break the bank to reward ourselves a little bit now and again. It feels good. And hey, we all work hard! All of our money cannot be designated for bills and ‘adulting’. We all deserve some ‘fun money’ now and again, don’t we?! Nothing feels better sometimes than a little materialistic lovin’.
And finally…..It’s a good week to have a good week. Every second, minute, hour, day, week, year, and life is up to us. How awesome is that? It is our choice to look at each week with excitement and opportunity in our eyes and in our hearts. It is up to us to find the good in each experience we encounter. Choose to have a positive mindset…Choose to be kind to yourself, and do not forget to have a good week!

There are two rules to success….
1. Don’t forget to be awesome
2. Follow rule #1

-keep shining

Top 10 Reasons To Call In Sick

May 15, 2016 / MelKai23 / 0 Comments

On Monday I woke up with an agenda on my mind. I had things to do, people to see, and money to make. It was a Monday, after all, and we all know what that means! So you can imagine how frustrating my morning was, waking up sick as I have been the past few days. Lucky for my husband, I had no ability to use my voice for 4 days. Unlucky for my agenda and career, my every day life requires me to use my voice to coordinate, train, and meet with people.

This current experience of being sick has been a clear reminder to me of how much I like order and control in my life. Being sick makes me feel vulnerable and incapable of doing every day tasks, especially ones that have been planned and coordinated in advance. And let me tell you, I do not like this feeling. The feeling of having to reschedule trainings, not being able to answer my phone calls, having co-workers take on my job duties…This is extremely difficult for me to accept.

During my personal pity party Monday morning, it dawned on me that there is absolutely nothing I can do about being sick. I realized that I needed to accept that the situation was out of my control, and that everything is going to be okay! Everyone will go on with their lives and in the meantime I will get healthy again. Once I somewhat accepted this ( I am still working on it) I came up with a quick list of things to remember in times when things do not go according to our plans:

Life will go on – If you’re frustrated with things not going according to plan or not having control over a situation, I can guarantee you that you’ll move on. Someday, you will not even remember what you’re upset about right now, in this moment, and it will not matter. Is this really worth stressing over right now?
“Let go and let God” – To me, this saying means that by letting go and going with the flow, things will fall into place as they are meant to. Everything happens for a reason, and there is a reason you aren’t in control in this very moment. Embrace it, accept it.
This too shall pass – My favorite saying that my grandmother used to say. I use this all the time! Whether I am sick, scared, annoyed, in pain, hurt, etc…I remind myself that soon this will be over, and I will be past this moment in my life even stronger than I was before. This is comforting to remind myself during icky moments.
People can carry on without you – Yes, it’s true. People can go about their daily lives without you in it for the time being. Maybe those people will learn something new today because you weren’t present and/or in control. Maybe they will appreciate you even more when they experience moments without you present or without you being in charge. Everyone will be okay without your help and/or presence today, I promise.
Breathe and enjoy letting go – Enjoy the time you have to sit back, not make any decisions, and breathe. It’s okay to slow down from time to time and understand that you cannot solve all the world’s problems today. What other options do you have now that you are not in control? What else are you able to accomplish today that typically you would not have the ability to do? Yes, you may be sick like me, but it still allows you some extra time in your day to do other things. Even if those other things consist of binge watching tv and staying in your pajamas all day. Who cares?! Enjoy that time to yourself, even if you are feeling crumby.
Embrace the chaos – Use this time to your advantage and challenge yourself. If things are not going according to plan, what can you learn from this? Try to find the pieces to enjoy! Are you home sick like me? Great, take that time to do the laundry in between working from home. Have that cup of afternoon coffee that typically you do not have time for.
Are you in a situation where you have no control? Or in a situation that is unorganized and chaotic? Learn from that chaos. Change the way you control and coordinate things based on the chaotic experience you’ve endured. Also try to enjoy things not being predictable, sometimes it can be fun to let go and be unaware of what is coming next!
You’re your own worst critic – You are going to judge yourself more than anyone else who you feel you’ve let down today. You are going to notice when things do not go according to your plan much more closely than anyone else that is present. Remember that we are always harder on ourselves, and that typically people view us much differently than we are viewing ourselves. Plain and simple.
Remember that you’re human, not super human – You cannot do it all, people! It’s not possible. Even if you try really, really hard there are things that will not go according to plan, and situations where you cannot have control. Remind yourself that there is only so much you can offer each day without completely burning yourself out. Remember to take care of yourself. If you’re not healthy, no amount of control can make things go smoothly for you because you’re lacking basic needs to keep yourself on track each day. It is okay to ask for help sometimes. We all need to practice being vulnerable (click here to read my blog on The Power Of Vulnerability).
Loss of control brings change – Change is wonderful, but change can be hard. I can tell you that the times in my life where I experience the most amount of personal change are in situations that are unpredictable and challenging for me. This is where I learn how I respond as a person, and how I want others to view me. This is where I learn what I am made of. Chaos can be a beautiful thing. I challenge you to think of a time you learned something new about yourself, and think about how much control you had over the situation where you changed.
Be grateful – Awe, the most basic but powerful point of all! Stay positive! On Monday, while sick and incapable of doing my job to the fullest, I reminded myself of how lucky I was to have a job that I want to partake in each day. I think about how lucky I am to have trustworthy coworkers who I know can carry on without me and support my personal health. I am grateful to have a husband to call the doctor for me because I have no voice and cannot make my own appointment. I am glad that I have insurance and can pay for medications. I am grateful that most days I do have my my voice and my health, as the past few days have been some of the most challenging I’ve had in a long time. I am grateful for a comfortable home where I can work all day, and a nice work computer that still allows me to get some stuff done. And I am grateful that being sick gave me a great writing idea for my blog!
See how easy that was?! Thinking of these positive things makes me feel happier, and helps me keep my focus where it needs to be…and I’ll give you a hint, it’s not on the fact that I am sick.

Letting go is hard…but sometimes, holding on is harder

-keep shining

Easter Is Here, A Time For Regrowth!

March 26, 2016 / MelKai23 / 0 Comments

The time has come to celebrate rebirth, Christianity and religion, and spring. Yay for Easter! Easter is a great time to focus on many blessings in life, and one in particular is change and regrowth.

During the time of Easter, I like to focus on celebrating nature after the long and cold winter dissipates. As the days grow longer and the snow melts from the rooftops, the birds will start singing, green leaves reappear, and animals recreate. Just the smell of spring brings me joy and energy! Prior to Christian Easter being established, people acknowledged the anticipation of spring by celebrating the rebirth of life on Earth. And the best part is? We can continue the celebration of this changing season and the meaning behind it all!

I love focusing on growth in my life, which is partly why my favorite color is green. There is so much to think about this time of year; new opportunities, change, and rebirth. It is just such a refreshing, calming feeling for me to think about Easter and spring time, and how that can relate to my life. Around this time of year, I try really hard to focus on the sprouting trees, birds singing, smell of grass, and sound of people outside. Focusing on nature’s regrowth helps me to stay grounded and think about the present moment.

Some things to ponder during this time of year:
What have I grown from this year?
How can I be more present with nature?
Why is personal growth important to me?
What about myself can be celebrated during this time of year?

What do I mean by growth, you ask? Well, I believe the definition of growth is completely up to you. It is about your perspective. For me, it is all about who I am as a person-What I have learned and what type of person I want to be. Growth is about what changes I have made and continue to make, and the improvements I continue to make in my awareness of nature and staying grounded. Nature is my “church” because it’s so spiritual to me. There is so much to be thankful for at Easter!

How are you growing as an individual? What have you been through that has gotten you to where you are today, and how are you showing gratitude towards yourself and your strengths, changes, abilities? Easter is the perfect time of year to reflect on these questions.

How can you use nature to make more positive changes in your life and focus on all the wonders that surround you each and every day?

Something will grow from all that you are going through, and it will be you.

-keep shining and happy Easter

Category: Self Development (Page 10 of 14)

Happy Holidays To Me

It’s A Good Week To Have A Good Week

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