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Category: Self Development (Page 12 of 14)

2016, I’m Ready For You!

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Okay, it’s that time of year again… The time where we focus on all the changes we want to make, and how refreshed we will magically feel now that year 2016 has arrived. ‘New year new me’.

So how can we actually accomplish the goals we create for year 2016? And how can we be inspired to believe that the new year will be filled with great changes and a feeling of being refreshed?

Here are some helpful tips to assist in ensuring your new year is a healthy, more positive start. After all, the new year is a fabulous time to make changes and feel rejuvenated, so why not truly give it a shot?!

Focus on changing the behavior, not the outcome.
This is key to setting awesome goals for yourself. We cannot only focus on what we want, but focus on how we are going to get there. For example, let’s say you want to lose 10 pounds. If you only focus on that goal and the outcome you want, how on earth can you accomplish the weight loss and continue on this healthier path? We need to focus on what needs to change, not just the outcome. What areas of my lifestyle can be improved so I can reach that goal?
If we do not recognize and change our behaviors (eating poorly, too much sugar, not working out, etc.) our weight loss goal cannot be met and maintained long term. How can this be a lifestyle change and something we feel can be easily accomplished if we do not know and recognize the behaviors that lead to the weight loss?

Focus on recognizing and changing your behavior, and the rest will follow.

Create SMART goals.
Once you establish the goals/changes you want for year 2016, make sure that your goals can fit into all the categories below. And remember that a little trial and error is expected. Trial and error help us grow and learn.

SMART goals:

S-specific- Provide some serious details, people! This is key to meeting your New Year’s goals: who, what, where, when, why? You cannot go into the new year with a goal of ‘I want to lose weight’. Instead, get more specific by saying ‘I want to lose an average of 4 pounds per month for the next 12 months by joining a health club, drinking 100 ounces of water a day, and eating vegetables at each meal’. Know why and how to accomplish this goal, and write it all down;  focus on your behaviors in order get to that desired outcome.

M-measurable- How is your goal going to be measured? By simply saying ‘I need to lose weight’ is not nearly enough. How can you measure that? Instead start saying, ‘I am going to lose 4 pounds a month for the next 12 months, and lose ____ inches around my waist’, you can assess your progress and depict whether or not you’re reaching your goal. When focusing on your behaviors, decide the amount of water to drink each day, the amount of vegetables at each meal, and the amount of time you will spend at a health club each week. Ask yourself, ‘how much/how many, and how will I know if my goal has been met’? By keeping yourself accountable using measurement, you stay on track. Plus, it feels so much better to measure your goals and have a sense of accomplishment when you can visually see progress and results!

A-attainable- How can you be successful in this goal? By being aware of how to reach your goal, you begin to see opportunities that bring you one step closer to goal achievement. Choices and changes you make help you to grow towards your goals and understand them better along the way. It’s all about awareness here!

R-realistic- How feasible is this goal? Don’t schedule yourself at the gym 7 days a week for 2 hours if you don’t have the time to do it. You can start small to create those habits. Know your goals and the changes in behavior that need to take place. Then be honest with yourself- can I do this? Avoid setting yourself up for failure.

T-timely- Give yourself a time limit. If there is no time limit, goals seem to fizzle out because we have no end point. Timelines give us something to aim for and help to motivate us along the way.

Don’t forget to ‘fill your bucket’
What good are goals if we forget to praise ourselves along the way? ‘Filling your bucket’ is a metaphor for providing yourself enough positivity to feel good about yourself each and every day.  Fill your personal bucket with uplifting thoughts, motivation, and pats on the back each time you make choices to help in accomplishing your goals. Be aware of your progress as well as the adjustments you’re making to change your behavior, and give yourself credit for it. You are your best cheerleader!

Make mistakes, make a lot of them.
Say whaaaaat??? I promise I am not crazy! Mistakes help us to create new things, learn new things, attempt new things…By making mistakes you are living. Making mistakes helps us to push ourselves and make changes; you do things you’ve never done before. Make new mistakes. Make wonderful mistakes. Make mistakes that you never thought you would. Do not worry about not being good enough, or that you will be judged. Do not worry about being perfect. What ever you are fearful of doing….DO IT. Make mistakes in 2016 and forever.

Happy New Year, everyone!

-keep shining

HALT

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HALT
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired

The first time I heard about HALT was working with individuals who struggle with addiction. HALT is used a lot in relapse prevention programs, however I think it can be utilized daily by anyone who finds it beneficial. I use HALT a lot to ensure that I am taking care of myself and queuing into what my body is telling me that it needs. Simply asking yourself each day to assess your body for HALT symptoms (‘Am I hungry, angry, lonely, tired?’) will help you be more aware of what you need, and aware of how you’re interacting with the outside world. Paying attention to these simple needs is quick and easy, and will ensure that we are aware of our own well-being.

Hungry: Sounds pretty self-explanatory, right? But, how many of you skip meals or forget to eat when life gets busy? It happens more than we realize! We all know the importance of a healthy, balanced diet and how this truly is fuel for our brains. I know when I have skipped a meal or eaten late, I can feel myself get tired, impatient, and unfocused. There is no way to function every day feeling like that! For anyone to complete their daily tasks successfully they need to refuel their brains and bodies. People aren’t lying when they say breakfast is the most important meal. Even if you are not hungry in the mornings, try to get something in your body to fuel up your brain and body for the long day ahead. It is also so important to eat full meals throughout the day. We all get busy and have to settle for a granola bar now and again, but when you have time to plan ahead, try to prepare nutritious meals. There are many tips and tricks on the internet to take shortcuts and make meal preparation a breeze!

Angry: People associate anger as such a negative thing. Anger is just a feeling, it does not need to be anything more than that. It is okay to feel the way you feel. I wrote a blog about this a while back to remind you all that you are entitled to your own feelings! ( http://swsecrets.net/?p=43 ) Why are you angry? Just recognizing your anger can make a huge difference in the way you feel the rest of the day. Identify your anger. Have you ever tried ignoring your anger and then lashing out at someone later on in the day? We are all guilty of that, I bet! Taking time to recognize our anger and using steps to calm ourselves will keep us from lashing out at others. Plus, once we are aware of our anger it is less damaging to our mood. Awareness is everything.

Lonely: Everyone knows what it feels like to be lonely at some point in life. However, there is a difference between being lonely and being alone. If you feel lonely, there are always ways to make more connections with people. Whether that is online, community activities, scheduling more time to spend with friends…There are endless opportunities, and this is a great way to practice that self care I know you’ve been working on 😉 ( http://swsecrets.net/?p=174 ) Take a leap of faith and put yourself out there! Make a small effort each day to do one thing that helps you to feel connected to someone else. Just be sure to spend time with people who you feel comfortable with. Spending time with people that are not good influences in your life, or someone you’re not comfortable around, will not fulfill your feelings of loneliness. Make these interactions meaningful and fulfilling.
I personally struggle with being alone. I could be surrounded by people all the time and would rarely feel the need to have any alone time. This is something I am working on  changing about myself because silence is a beautiful thing. We are constantly surrounding ourselves with noise, but just being in silence can be so peaceful. I do not listen to music on the way home from work anymore, and it feels so good! Silence is golden.

Tired: Being tired takes a serious toll on our bodies. How often do we feel ‘tired’ and practically chug 8 cups of coffee before noon? It’s easy to ignore how tired we are when each day is filled with meetings, errands, other activities…Our ability to think accurately diminishes when we are constantly running on fumes. And if you add hunger, loneliness, and anger in the mix…Look out! Increasing the amount of sleep you get each night or finding a few moments in the day to close your eyes may be all you need to have a better outlook on life each day. Satisfying your need for rest is what keeps us healthy- both physically and emotionally. Simply recharging your mind/brain can be helpful- using self care techniques such as listening to music or deep breathing may be all you need to get through the day, and recharge your batteries!

HALT is a quick reminder to be sure we are meeting our basic needs each and every day. Am I hungry, angry, lonely, or tired? Taking a simple assessment of our needs will help us to practice being more in-tune with our bodies. Just take one minute per day to HALT, think about yourself, and how to manage the remainder of your day. You owe it to yourself to be happy and healthy.

It is health that is real wealth, not pieces of gold and silver.

-keep shining

Being Selfish Is Not Selfish

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I know that you have heard me say it before, but I want you to know some really good news!!! Are you ready for it? Here it goes….

 It is okay to be selfish sometimes.

Isn’t that relieving?! Knowing that you can focus on yourself and your own needs, and not have to feel guilty about it?

For the sake of this blog I like to refer to selfishness as ‘self-interest’ because it has a much more positive tone to it. So, why is it so important to be self-interested? And how can we be self-interested without feeling guilty?

Answer me this…How productive are you when you are exhausted, upset, rushed? How involved and focused are you on your work, family, and other obligations when you are experiencing those symptoms I just listed? How are you able to fully invest in those obligations when you are not fully invested in yourself, first and foremost?

Do this exercise for me real quick: Come up with a list of things you can do for self care, because to be self-interested means you have to take care of yourself. What are some goals you can set for yourself to be sure you’re giving yourself enough ‘me time’, and how will you hold yourself accountable for reaching that goal? For example, one of my self care goals is to get a manicure every 3 weeks 🙂 I schedule my next appointment while I am at the salon so I know for sure that I will continue my self care and not forget about it. Although this act of self-interest costs money, there are many self-interest options that do not cost anything, such as taking a bath, going for a walk, calling someone you’re close to, listening to music, etc.

Each day ask yourself two things: 1. What would be the most loving action I could take for myself today? 2. What would be fun for me today?
Put these questions in your phone as an alarm, or write yourself a sticky note and place it somewhere you will see it each and every day.

Self-interest helps to clear our minds and feel rejuvenated. It helps me focus on myself, and what I need to do for me in order to focus on my other obligations. We need that ‘breath of fresh air’ sometimes, that break, that moment of selfishness to feel ready to take on the next challenge that comes our way. I know for a fact that I am much more empathetic, patient, and happy helping others at work every day when I also remember to help myself.

Sometimes I feel guilty when I focus on myself, and I think that is pretty normal. But, by reminding myself that I am a better me when I am happy and give myself some time to breathe, I feel so much better about every other aspect in my life. You are helping others more-so by spending some time focusing on you as well. With a fresh mind, you can better help and be there for others. It is all about balance and giving yourself permission to love yourself.

I think society puts a lot of pressure on us to do for others, be helpful, focus on people’s needs and how we can better this world. Yes, all of these things are true and important, but we are forgetting to include ourselves in there! We cannot better the lives of others if we are not bettering ourselves. We are a society focused on external reward and praise for our actions. Those are great things, but they can be even greater if we remember to give ourselves a break sometimes.
Self interest = self respect.
Type ‘self-interest quotes’ into your search engine and view images to see all the negative ideas of self-interest that pop up. This is unfortunately a good example of why we are made to believe that being self-interested is frowned upon, and that is truly a misconception!

It is not selfish to love yourself, take care of yourself, and make your happiness a priority.  It’s necessary.

Have I persuaded you yet?

-keep shining

 

I Am Thankful

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Happy Thanksgiving week everyone! Of course, since it’s the season of giving and thanks, a blog focused on these wonderful topics feels necessary. There is nothing better in this world than the holiday season, am I right?!

I’ll be honest with you and admit that a small part of me feels so guilty around this time of year. I am fortunate to have a happy, healthy, and loving family to spend the holidays with.  I am always looking forward to the holidays because of how much I enjoy being with my family. The reason I feel guilty is because in my daily work as a social worker I spend time with children who have never celebrated a holiday. Never celebrated a holiday… Can you imagine that? Daily, I spend time with children who have never been given a gift, and do not know how to unwrap a present. I spend time with children who do not know who their family is and have no one to celebrate with. I spend the holidays explaining to children who Santa Claus is because they have never heard of him. I have seen children celebrate holidays in residential facilities and do not have any family come to visit them. I have seen children who do not know where their siblings are during the holidays and are worried about them. I have seen children’s behaviors escalate over the holidays because they do not know how to process the emotions that they are feeling during the holiday season. These children listen to other peers in school talk about their holiday festivities and their families, their new gifts…Can you imagine how that must feel? It is difficult for me to take time off of work to enjoy this special time of year without wanting to take all of my clients home with me! For me, this time of year makes it hard to separate work from home life.

I think it is SO important this time of year to truly think about what it is we are thankful for, no matter how big or small. There is always something to be thankful for. I would challenge all of you to physically write down a list of all that you are thankful for this year. Hopefully you are overwhelmed with positive feelings when you can look at that list and think of how fortunate you are to have countless amounts of wonderful things and wonderful people in your lives! Be mindful of the positive aspects of your life and be thankful for them.

Focus on the beauty of this earth. The sky, the changing of the seasons, the sounds of nature… Be thankful for the beauty that surrounds us every single day, and that we so easily overlook.Think about all the obvious wonders in our lives that we overlook. Focus on those ‘things’ that we forget that we have the luxury to enjoy…Every.Single.Day.

I would also challenge you to do one good deed this holiday season revolved around helping others. It feels SO good to give back and to help those less fortunate than ourselves. If you have children, I would encourage you to get them involved in the season of giving as this time of year can be such a fabulous learning experience for children.
Why is it so important to give back and be thankful this holiday season, you ask? Just remember those children I mentioned above and try putting yourselves in their shoes.

As a social worker we try to make the holidays such an exciting time for the individuals we serve. We try making it special, unique, memorable. This can seem impossible at times, and sometimes I feel defeated… There is truly nothing I can do to make this person feel loved around the holidays. But, I can be there for them and I can give back somehow to make their holiday experiences just a little bit better, a little more meaningful, and help them create moments worth remembering.

I want people to know that lending a helping hand during the holidays does not go unnoticed. It does not matter how big or small your contribution is, you can make a difference. You can help in making the holiday season be positive for those who have never experienced the warm, loving feeling this season provides to most of us. And please, enjoy the holiday season you are fortunate to spend with your friends and family, making memories and eating all those comfort foods…After all, calories don’t count during the holidays, right?!

It feels good to do good for others.

-keep shining, and have a safe and memorable Thanksgiving.

Dear Negative Nancy, You’re Not Welcome Here!

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Negativity is poison to our body and minds. It consumes us, it takes over. And it does so with ease….We barely even know it’s happening.

The less you respond to negative people, the more peaceful your life will be. Would you agree with this statement? I think that is an easy ‘yes’ for most people.
But, what happens when you are the one bringing the negativity to the table?

It happens, we all have spurts of being the dreaded ‘Negative Nancy’. The one who focuses on all negative things, talks negatively, whines, never has anything good to say, and focuses a lot on their lives and all the things going wrong… We have all been there! But, how do we get out of this dreaded phase? How do we keep from allowing the negativity to take over?

Negative thinking is easy. In my opinion, it’s our minds lazy track. It is so much easier to think negatively than positive. We really need to train our minds to focus on positivity and leave the negative to Nancy.
I have a question for you…What are some negative traits you feel you posses? Those things you want to change?
…I bet it was really easy for you to come up with a list of things you do not like about yourself, or feel need some tweaking. But now ask yourself the opposite; what are your best qualities? What do you love about you?
…Was it more difficult to come up with your positive features than negative? Was your positive list shorter? A lot of the times, we will answer yes. Our minds steer towards the negative, and a lot of times we have to train ourselves to think about the good, the positive, the uplifting. It is hard to forget about the negative and put it aside. It is hard to ignore those thoughts.

Think about how much easier our lives would be if we didn’t respond to or pay attention to all the negativity. If we thought about the great qualities we have, the good in the world, focus on our friendships and their worth… Wouldn’t that be wonderful? 

I think we have all had that friend who is stuck in ‘Negative Nancy’ phase. The one who always thinks about themselves- the ‘poor me’ attitude- and quite frankly is just exhausting to be around! You leave feeling so icky and ‘blah’ inside because they have complained so much and had nothing good to say about anything/anyone. The ‘Nancys’ of the world tend to focus on themselves, and afterwards our moods change because of all the negativity that has been brought in by Nancy. I unfortunately have had to wash my hands clean of some Nancy’s in my life, and it’s really too bad. They had some fabulous qualities about them, but they let so much negativity consume them, that they could not even focus on the positive and supportive friendships they had right in front of them.

So, how do we keep from becoming Nancy? What can we do?

For me, the most important step is to be mindful. I love the word ‘mindful’ because it  really keeps me in check. To be mindful means to focus on our present moment, to be aware of ourselves and our thoughts. Mindful means to think about our current feelings, thoughts, and our body language.  Once we start recognizing right away that we are being negative, we can alter our thinking. There are numerous mindfulness techniques available to practice and help train ourselves to be more present in the current moment.

Another important step in avoiding becoming the Negative Nancy of your posy is to remember that life is not fair. We all have days of feeling like we had a giant target on our backs, and we just do not understand why everything terrible is happening to us today. It is important in these moments to work on training our minds to think positive thoughts. What about my day went well? What can I do differently next time? Tomorrow is a new day! It could always be worse. Think about what you are thankful for today, think about what is going right in your life. Again, being mindful of the moment and how you’re feeling. It is a waste of time to go through life thinking about the obstacles that come your way that are not fair. This is a waste of your energy..Energy that could be utilized is much more productive ways!

Try not to use the word but. But is so negative! It is an ugly word, in my opinion, and always negates the beginning of your sentence. For example, what if I said to you “thank you so much for helping me clean the house today, but next time don’t forget to fold the towels’…What does your mind focus on? For me, it focuses  on the statement about forgetting to fold towels and makes me feel defensive. But completely eliminates the first part of the sentence, making it seem as if it never existed, because we focus on the negative which begins with but. It takes practice to rearrange our sentences to eliminate the word but, however it does make our conversations with others more positive, therefore people’s interactions with us are more positive as well. What if instead I thought about that sentence and said ,” regardless of the towels not being folded, I noticed how great of a job you did cleaning today and I really appreciate that…Thank you”.

Always remember that smiling is the best medicine 🙂 Nothing helps uplift our spirits and load our minds with positivity more than a little laughter and smiling. Smiling is contagious! The more we smile, the more people around us will feel our positivity and want to find something to smile about too. Isn’t your favorite person at the office the one who is always making light of the situation and cracking jokes? You can be that person too, if you want to!

Also important is not to dwell…Try moving forward and turn that negativity into a learning experience. Dwelling on icky feelings keeps us feeling down in the dumps. It rubs off on our friends, and honestly makes them not want to be around us. Not to say we can’t vent sometimes to our friends, that is what friends are for too! Just try focusing on positive aspects of your friendships as well, and be supportive of one another in the positive aspects of your lives.

Know that it is okay to seek out a ‘listener'(therapist, counselor, life coach). Utilizing a listener is such a wonderful and healthful gift that we can give ourselves.  We don’t have all the answers.  People who are trained in these fields can serve as a  wonderful and non-judgmental sounding board.  Don’t ever deny yourself the ability to consider visiting with someone if life presents you with a roadblock. Allow this ‘listener’ to help untangle the thoughts and come to a place of peace.  We all help each other, and there is nothing wrong with asking for help.

Another important factor of course, as I have mentioned before, is to work on loving yourself! I talk a lot about this because it is so important, and so easily overlooked because we spend a lot of time putting our energy into others’ needs before our own. To love yourself will bring positive feelings, and it will be easier to let the negative stuff go. As I mentioned in a previous blog (http://swsecrets.net/2015/10/08/lifes-too-short/), make a list of what you love about yourself. Think about some of these things right away in the morning, or right before bed. Better yet, have your list somewhere visible. It sounds cheesy, but it’s really helpful. My husband and I made a list of things we love about each other and have them next to our bed. It always cheers me up to see that list, even if I do not read it. Just having it there is a reminder that I am loved and possess many great qualities that my husband notices.

Being a positive person will bring more positive feelings, experiences, and people into our lives.

Find peace. Find happiness. Find yourself.

keep shining

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