SECRETS OF A SOCIAL WORKER

Find peace.Find happiness.Find yourself

Category: Self Development (Page 13 of 13)

Dear Stress….I am breaking up with you.

July 31, 2015 / / 0 Comments

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90% of the things we stress about each day never actually happen.

….Whoah! That’s a lot of stress. That’s a lot of pointless stress.

Can you think of anything you’ve let consume your mind and it never even happened? A lot of times I stress over not meeting a work deadline, however I always get my work turned in on time. Or have you ever worried that someone is going to be mad at you, and you replay the scenario regarding what you’re going to say to them over and over in your head? And how many times does it actually end up happening?

Why do we torture ourselves so much?! I think for everyone the answer is different. But the question for me isn’t focused so much on the why, it is more so focused on the what can I do about it?

Stress is not what happens to us. It is our response to what happens. And we can choose the way we wish to respond.

For me, one aspect that helps is to focus on positive stress. Yes, the term sounds contradicting but there is such a thing as positive stress- planning for a wedding, packing for vacation, preparing for a baby…The list goes on and on! And how wonderful are those things? So, for me, I ask myself what things am I allowing to consume my mind that are positively stressful?. By thinking about and recognizing those positive things, I start to get more excited about them!

Make a list. If I start to feel overwhelmed it is really helpful to write things down and out of my brain. Whether it is a to-do list, a shopping list, a list of reminders, etc…I write it on paper or on my phone. I literally feel myself exhale as I am writing.

Can I control this? This one is difficult for me. If I am stressing over something that is out of my control, I often let my brain be consumed by it. I have to ask myself if I can control the thing that stressing me out, and if the answer is no then I have to let it go. For example, I am getting married soon (yippie!). My wedding is going to be outside, and I find myself worrying about the weather. Can I control this? Nope! So instead I focus on the fact that regardless of the weather, I am going to be married that day. And that is the goal, after all, isn’t it?!

Find a reason to smile. This one is always important. Smiling is truly one of the body’s best medicines. What helps you to relax, smile, laugh, and have fun? It’s okay to take a break and breathe once in a while, and to include laughter in that break is ideal. For me, sometimes it’s not even about laughter. It can be just finishing up a tough work out and smiling afterwards because of how good I feel.

Know that you have done your best. At the end of the day we are exhausted, aren’t we? Sometimes things don’t go as planned or we don’t get everything accomplished that we wished to. But, we have to tell ourselves that we have done the best we can. And if someone else is upset with us because of that, that is okay! Some days, especially in social work, I have to remind myself that I have done my best. There are days that I may be the only one who recognizes that, but that is okay. You must know within yourself that you made the right choices and you have to be able to accept that.

Recognize priorities. Is not getting my laundry and dishes done today really important? It this really worth stressing over all day? Of course not! If there is a list of things overwhelming you, simply eliminate the stuff that does not need to be done today and focus on the important tasks that need your attention.

Will this matter tomorrow? A week from now? A year? Ask yourself if what is overwhelming you today going to matter in the future. Is it worth your time?

Just remember: It’s not the load that breaks you, it’s the way you carry it.

Dear Stress…I am breaking up with you, for GOOD.

Sincerely, A Happier Me.

-keep shining

 

 

 

“Don’t Cry Over Spilled Milk”

June 1, 2015 / / 0 Comments

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It is okay to feel the way you feel. Sounds easy, right?! How often do we try to mask our feelings and emotions, or sweep them under the rug? And then how often does it come back to haunt us? For example, when you’re in an argument with someone and then “word vomit” takes over- you say everything that’s bothered you over the last 6 months, including the time your significant other left the refrigerator door open. Yikes! Rough, huh? Or when you hold in your feelings for so long that the smallest things set you off, like starting to cry because you dropped your full milk jug all over the kitchen floor (not that I’ve ever done this before…).
Why does this happen?! It’s because we bottle up everything and think we forget about it, but we don’t. The good news? ITS OKAY! You are entitled to your feelings and emotions. Don’t hide them, embrace them! Why are you feeling this way? Ask yourself that question, and know that it’s okay. There is a reason you are feeling this way so figure out why. It’s incredible and refreshing how much you’ll learn about yourself. The moment I began utilizing this tip I was so relieved. Not only will you learn about yourself, but you will be more open and accepting of other people’s emotions; you learn to become more insightful. You also learn to tell others that it is okay to feel the way they feel, and trust me, they will appreciate it. It will make others feel more comfortable opening up to you, and it helps them to feel “normal” and safe expressing themselves.
Overall, wouldn’t it be great to learn more about yourself? I have found that there is a certain pattern to my emotions, and certain things that bother me more than they should. Now that I am aware of that, I am able to talk about those emotions, and recognize when they are creeping up on me. I have learned to be honest with myself. Emotions and feelings are our body’s way of telling us something. Appreciate when your body signals that something isn’t feeling right and needs to be addressed. Be honest to and respectful of yourself. Listen to your body. Listen to your mind. After all, they’re the only ones you’ve got!

-keep shining

Inspiration is Motivation

May 26, 2015 / / 0 Comments

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I want to share with you something I have been guilty of in the past, and something which may be beneficial to you in your relationships with those you care about.

Have you ever tried really hard to listen and be there for a friend when they are in a time of need? How nice of you! Friends like you are hard to come by- the ones who listen, can be trusted, and give their advice.

Have you ever told a friend,” I know exactly what you’re going through” to help ease the pain and help them to feel supported? I bet you have , and so have I…Many times. However, something I have learned through social work is to never say those words.

Why you ask?… Because it’s not true!!!!

Here’s an example- Let’s say both of us were dumped by our significant other, Johnny, unexpectedly. How great that we can be there for one another. However, we truly do not know what each other is going through. For starters, we process emotions and situations differently. I, for instance, like to stay in denial and distract myself from thinking about it (stupid, I know). But you may not be able to stop talking about it to the point of exhausting all of your friendships; people do not want to hear again that Johnny wrote on Sarah’s Facebook wall and you don’t know what to do about it! For the tenth time….Nothing, there is nothing you can do.

This one aspect alone makes a huge difference in what we are going through.

Also, what happened in the situation is different. Johnny did not dump you and I the same way or for the same reason. So saying “I know exactly what you’re going through” really isn’t the case. Telling someone “I am so sorry for what you are going through, it must make you feel ________” (fill in the blank) is much more comforting and supportive.

This whole concept may not seem like a big deal, and often times it isn’t. However, in my line of work the way you word things is crucial to your relationships with clients. Sometimes I only get one chance, if that, to connect with people. And yes, sometimes by saying something that minuscule can be a deal breaker. Talk about pressure, huh?!

Think about how many times the people I may work with have felt rejected, unheard, not understood in numerous situations they’ve been in. Constantly! Sometimes it’s more important just to listen and be there for them, not provide our words of encouragement, as sometimes that isn’t what they want. Ask the people you work with or are supporting what it is they want from you. Early on, they may deny wanting the help or truly don’t know what they want from you yet. That’s okay! Just be there. Sometimes being consistently in someone’s life and able to listen to them is enough. We don’t always need to think of something to say to make it all better- that doesn’t always work. It is up to that person to make changes to better themselves, and by you being there to help and support them is a bonus!

What helps me in these situations is to think about the word inspire. I want to help inspire that person, not solve their problem for them. The word inspire is really powerful. It means to encourage someone to a greater effort, to use enthusiasm in your interactions with others, and to be creative. To inspire someone is to help awaken a feeling in someone, and help them to become more insightful and aware of their own emotions and their own possibilities. People want to be inspired, some of them just don’t know it yet 🙂 And that is what you’re there for!

How can you inspire others?

-keeping shining

I Am A Mother…But I Have No Children.

May 10, 2015 / / 0 Comments

A special shout out to all moms today on this WONDERFUL holiday. Where would we be without all the fabulous mothers in this world? Thank YOU, moms, for all that you do. Please know that you are appreciated every single day.

Happy Mother’s Day!

I am a Mother…But I have no Children.

The word “mom”…What does it mean to you?

What does it mean specifically to a child?

“Mom” took on a whole new meaning for me once I began working more closely with children. I am not a mother, but have a wonderful one who I would argue is the best mom out there (I might be a little biased).
I  have had the opportunity to work with some wonderful children in my career. And to my surprise, some of them call me “mom” early on working with them. I cannot tell you how rewarding, yet heartbreaking, yet disturbing it is to hear those words from children who I feel are still practically strangers to me. There were even times children have referred to me as “mom” in front of their biological mother- that will always take the cake for most awkward moment ever!
Since having the privilege to work more closely with children over the past 2 years, I have come to understand the word “mom” as this; someone who is consistently in your life, and who will be there when they say they will. Mothers care about you, they show you how it feels to be loved. They teach you right from wrong. They take you to appointments to ensure you’re healthy. They sing with you and play games.
I am not these children’s mother, but I do for them all the things the typical “mom” would do.
How fantastic is it that children who may have been neglected or lost a parent during any time of their lives still feel they have a mother? Because to a child, a mother does not have to just be the person who births you. Their innocent little brains don’t even understand that concept yet. To a child, mothers are simply the nurturing people in your lives that teach you about love. And it’s great that I can do that for them. (Not to take away from the importance of any biological mothers- they will always be the women who brought these wonderful children into this world).
 Spending time with these children has given them the experience that every child should get to have; simply being loved.
So we can all be mothers to somebody, even if we biologically do not have any children. I have become a mother in my career, and even for how intimidating that may be at times it is SO rewarding. I have learned about what kind of mother I will be some day, and that having a mother is something every child deserves.
puppy-love
*For the sake of the holiday and my blog I have used the term “mom”, although this description of a mom pertains just as equally to any dads out there as well. We love you, dads, we didn’t forget about you!
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