Having to constantly remind yourself that you have done your best
Even though that suicidal client made you second guess
Blaming you for their problems and the reason they will die
But then the next day they stop by your office just to say hi
Trying to convince that client that she has many strengths
But she tells you the tan line from her watch is the best she can name
Then opening up Facebook and seeing that she’s passed
Depression got the best of her and was the reason she’s laid to rest
It’s the letters and calls of the clients who you never thought cared
Telling you you’re the best thing that’s happened to them and the reason they’re still here
Having to stay strong when sitting across from the person talking about their rape
That they’ve been trafficked for years but people call her a whore and point the blame
She is crying to you saying she had no other way
Because her parents weren’t there and she had nowhere to stay
But that charming man offered her a bed and some love and affection
Then she wakes up to realize she was assaulted and he gave her an infection
It’s the little boys you just met who call you mom
So you break down afterwards debating if you can adopt
The four-year-old girl who says she hates cops
and you try to convince her they are safe and that’s part of their job
But to her they were evil as they constantly came to her home
Because her mother used drugs and sold dope
So now she shutters under the blankets each time someone comes to the door
She screams bloody murder and immediately hits the floor
No amount of therapy or comfort makes it stop
She will never feel safe and will forever hate cops
It’s the cutter you found on the floor covered in her own blood
Then calling her dad who says he won’t pick her up
he’s burnt out and he’s done
Trying to convince her life is worth it
But she’s been beaten down too many times and told she’s worthless
Then leaving that day with a trauma-filled brain
But it’s your birthday that night so you fake a smile and choke down your cake
The hyper-vigilance constantly haunting you
Looking around wondering who plans to buy a 14 year old girl to bring back to their hotel room
Being scared to walk alone in the parking lot at night
Knowing that you upset a client who may have a knife
Having to kick that guy out of treatment for his failed urine test
Even though you know he needs you more than the rest
But you have to follow rules as that is what’s ‘best’
but that night you are restless
He won’t ever know how much you cared
and that you really wanted to be there
The dreadful news that another one has died
Lost their precious life to suicide
And asking yourself what you could have done to change their mind
It’s watching foster children suffer through night terrors and missing their mom
You advocate and fight but can’t send them home
So you hug them tight and hope they make it
To not be the majority who drop out of school and never feel like they fit
The boy who tells his mom to fuck off in group therapy
that he hates her and she doesn’t amount to anything
She breaks down because she can’t take the pain
And you’re supposed to know the right thing to say
People reminding you to practice self care
But what does that even mean
When you break down in tears and wake up from those awful dreams
No amount of bubble baths, gym sessions, or journaling will make that better than it seems
But through the turmoil and struggle
You can’t help but be thankful
For the lives you have ‘saved’ and the people who know you care
For the ones that make you smile and realize life isn’t fair
That’s why we help one another
And pick each other up
Because fairness doesn’t exist but through love we know we have done enough
Knowing that you have given some lives just a little glimmer of hope
Becoming so resilient and being able to cope
Sometimes it’s hard but it’s worth it when you meet that little girl
Who reminds you that you’ve been helpful and made a huge difference in her world
That is why we do it each and every day
We smile through the tears and tell ourselves that we will be okay
To be strong and empathetic because they have it worse than you
With patience and acceptance, you make a difference
through and through
-keep shining
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