A common theme I have noticed lately is the amount of guilt we suffer with as humans. Many friends and clients I interact with have shared stories with me about their guilt and how they’ve allowed it to control decisions they make or skew their perspective. These conversations have lead me to realize how much we allow guilt to paralyze us. We constantly suffer from guilt, let it eat us alive, and alter our decision-making. We feel guilty for things we don’t do, things we do, things we do or don’t say, not doing enough or doing too much. And if we let it, guilt is a never ending cycle of torture. And it causes us to fear life rather than enjoy every twist and turn it has to offer.
The way out of guilt is to look inward. We cannot allow guilt to run our lives. When we do, we are not living our own truths, and we are veering off path from the things we want to experience. Life isn’t about fearing and second-guessing every decision we make. Life is about navigating fear, not letting it win us over. Life would be so much easier if we feared less, and only you can remove the fear.
Unfortunately, it is so normal for us to abide by the rules set by other people and institutions. We try to avoid feeling guilty or avoid being out of compliance with what ‘rules’ have been set for us. But we have to push aside what people and institutions have said to us; all the rules, the do’s and don’ts. I am not saying having morals and values are not important, but we do not need to feel guilt for making mistakes or just doing something different. Morals and values can change with our growth as an individual, but we fear going against the norm. There is so much fear instilled in us through people and institutions that we forget to ask ourselves the most important questions; What do we want for ourselves? What is it that we want to experience? We live in such fear of doing ‘wrong’…We forget that we are in the driver’s seat. Ask yourself who ultimately gets to decide what is ‘wrong’ for your life…Why aren’t we deciding for ourselves what is right or wrong?
We put way too much emphasis on other people’s and institution’s feelings and expectations of us. But the contradicting part is that it is our life to live. You are a good person, you are loved, and you are human. People put so much emphasis on guilt or fear around a ‘judging God’ (and by God I mean any higher power, institution, spirit, etc. you believe in). God LOVES you, period. You will not be judged for going this way or that way in your life. There is no judgement from God…just love. This is the hang up many people have; displeasing a ‘judging God’.
We cannot allow fate to happen when we live in fear, yet we try to allow fate and fear both to be the most impactful and dominate factors in our lives….This idea is impossible. Fate cannot express itself if the motivating or controlling force behind our actions/decisions is fear. We are distracted from experiencing our fate because of the guilt we hoard. We need to be easy on ourselves and let go a little bit. There is nothing to fear.
When we remove the guilt and focus more on our wants and our own decisions or rights/wrongs, we feel better. We become more certain about what we want. If we can remove the guilt, our minds and bodies will tell us over time what direction is right. Of course it’s human of us to want to consider how our decisions affect others, but don’t forget to keep yourself in that equation as well. The love for yourself should be of the upmost importance to you.
There are many situations in my life where one would assume I’d need to feel guilt, but I don’t let that consume me. I am my own person who is making my own decisions based on what I want at that time. No one can tell me what is right or wrong for me, only I know what feels right and what needs to happen for me to move forward. I don’t owe anyone an explanation.
It’s okay to color outside the lines now and then. Your feelings, opinions, and actions are legitimate because you say they are. You meander through life as your own unique self. You are not purposefully trying to harm institutions you believe in or hurt other people you love. And the God you believe in knows that. You’re just doing your best and living life on your terms. We are all just trying to figure it out. And how beautiful is that?…Isn’t that what life is about?
Once you decide to live on your own terms, notice who rises to the surface to be beside you. Who accepts you for who you are, and who knows your value and your heart. Those are the people who truly understand you. Quit apologizing for actions you take or saying sorry for being who you are, just be aware of it as this helps you understand what you want in your life.
We are always changing, learning, growing. We do not need to tell people every single time we change or justify our behavior, because we are just changing continuously. We do not need to straighten it out, fix things, apologize…It is okay to just be changing, as we all do. Change helps us grow, and growth brings us happiness.
Guilt is a sure way to unhappiness and stress, and guilt is a constant state of paranoia around ‘doing what you’re supposed to’ (whatever that means). The rest of your life is a really long time to not be sure if you’re happy. It is important to ask yourself if suffering with guilt and living in fear is worth compromising your own truth, well-being, and experiences that you’d want for yourself. It’s important to know that whatever choices you make, they are a part of you. They are teaching you, and that does not make you a bad person. Don’t forget that YOU get to decide. You are a good person, and there is only LOVE.
No amount of guilt can change the past. No amount of anxiety can shape the future.
Spring cleaning season has come and gone quickly this year, hasn’t it? And decluttering our homes each spring feels good. But along with throwing away old clothes and cleaning out our kitchen cupboards, there are other ways in which we can declutter each spring, starting with your brain….
Stop thinking too much… We let our minds get the best of us sometimes. If we want to declutter our brains and simplify our lives, we have to work on living in the now and what feels right. Quit hesitating, quit overanalyzing. We always want to predict the outcome and think through various scenarios, and we need to stop. ..Think less do more. A little impulsivity and spontaneity is what life is all about. Try to start leaving your comfort zone this summer!
Surround yourself with people or that special someone who makes you a better person… Now that you’re done spring cleaning your home, clean out your friend circle this summer, and assess your current relationships. Do the people in your world bring out the best in you? Do they help you see a new perspective? Do they challenge you in positive ways? Whether friends or a significant other, ask yourself these questions. Some relationships are not meant to last forever, and that is okay. Focus on those who focus on you.
Quit feeling the need to defend or explain yourself to people… Life will continue to be exhausting if we live for others. Life will not feel worthwhile if we do not focus on our own wants and needs. How often are we scared of our choices or outcomes based on the concern of how we are going to look to others? How often do we stress over how we are going to defend our actions to others? But WHY do we torture ourselves this way? We do not owe anyone an explanation for our lives or our choices.
Forgive yourself for yesterday’s mistakes. We are a different person today than we were yesterday; we change a little bit each and every day. We have grown and learned since yesterday and are in a different mindset today. We cannot go through life focusing on what we could have done differently or beating ourselves up about things in the past. We cannot change yesterday’s mistakes or decisions. Today is a fresh start and a new perspective. Each mistake is a lesson learned, and some mistakes bring us down an even better path than we could have predicted for ourselves.
Don’t ever forget that the best things in life are free. Memories, hugs, kisses, love, family, friends, smile, laughter, sleep…All FREE! Do not forget about all the non-materialistic things in life that make life worth living. Declutter your world and focus on the things that don’t take up any extra space.
Embrace the glorious mess that you are ~
-keep shining
The time has come to celebrate rebirth, Christianity and religion, and spring. Yay for Easter! Easter is a great time to focus on many blessings in life, and one in particular is change and regrowth.
During the time of Easter, I like to focus on celebrating nature after the long and cold winter dissipates. As the days grow longer and the snow melts from the rooftops, the birds will start singing, green leaves reappear, and animals recreate. Just the smell of spring brings me joy and energy! Prior to Christian Easter being established, people acknowledged the anticipation of spring by celebrating the rebirth of life on Earth. And the best part is? We can continue the celebration of this changing season and the meaning behind it all!
I love focusing on growth in my life, which is partly why my favorite color is green. There is so much to think about this time of year; new opportunities, change, and rebirth. It is just such a refreshing, calming feeling for me to think about Easter and spring time, and how that can relate to my life. Around this time of year, I try really hard to focus on the sprouting trees, birds singing, smell of grass, and sound of people outside. Focusing on nature’s regrowth helps me to stay grounded and think about the present moment.
Some things to ponder during this time of year: What have I grown from this year? How can I be more present with nature? Why is personal growth important to me? What about myself can be celebrated during this time of year?
What do I mean by growth, you ask? Well, I believe the definition of growth is completely up to you. It is about your perspective. For me, it is all about who I am as a person-What I have learned and what type of person I want to be. Growth is about what changes I have made and continue to make, and the improvements I continue to make in my awareness of nature and staying grounded. Nature is my “church” because it’s so spiritual to me. There is so much to be thankful for at Easter!
How are you growing as an individual? What have you been through that has gotten you to where you are today, and how are you showing gratitude towards yourself and your strengths, changes, abilities? Easter is the perfect time of year to reflect on these questions.
How can you use nature to make more positive changes in your life and focus on all the wonders that surround you each and every day?
Something will grow from all that you are going through, and it will be you.
Okay, it’s that time of year again… The time where we focus on all the changes we want to make, and how refreshed we will magically feel now that year 2016 has arrived. ‘New year new me’.
So how can we actually accomplish the goals we create for year 2016? And how can we be inspired to believe that the new year will be filled with great changes and a feeling of being refreshed?
Here are some helpful tips to assist in ensuring your new year is a healthy, more positive start. After all, the new year is a fabulous time to make changes and feel rejuvenated, so why not truly give it a shot?!
Focus on changing the behavior, not the outcome.
This is key to setting awesome goals for yourself. We cannot only focus on what we want, but focus on how we are going to get there. For example, let’s say you want to lose 10 pounds. If you only focus on that goal and the outcome you want, how on earth can you accomplish the weight loss and continue on this healthier path? We need to focus on what needs to change, not just the outcome. What areas of my lifestyle can be improved so I can reach that goal?
If we do not recognize and change our behaviors (eating poorly, too much sugar, not working out, etc.) our weight loss goal cannot be met and maintained long term. How can this be a lifestyle change and something we feel can be easily accomplished if we do not know and recognize the behaviors that lead to the weight loss?
Focus on recognizing and changing your behavior, and the rest will follow.
Create SMART goals. Once you establish the goals/changes you want for year 2016, make sure that your goals can fit into all the categories below. And remember that a little trial and error is expected. Trial and error help us grow and learn.
SMART goals:
S-specific- Provide some serious details, people! This is key to meeting your New Year’s goals: who, what, where, when, why? You cannot go into the new year with a goal of ‘I want to lose weight’. Instead, get more specific by saying ‘I want to lose an average of 4 pounds per month for the next 12 months by joining a health club, drinking 100 ounces of water a day, and eating vegetables at each meal’. Know why and how to accomplish this goal, and write it all down; focus on your behaviors in order get to that desired outcome.
M-measurable- How is your goal going to be measured? By simply saying ‘I need to lose weight’ is not nearly enough. How can you measure that? Instead start saying, ‘I am going to lose 4 pounds a month for the next 12 months, and lose ____ inches around my waist’, you can assess your progress and depict whether or not you’re reaching your goal. When focusing on your behaviors, decide the amount of water to drink each day, the amount of vegetables at each meal, and the amount of time you will spend at a health club each week. Ask yourself, ‘how much/how many, and how will I know if my goal has been met’? By keeping yourself accountable using measurement, you stay on track. Plus, it feels so much better to measure your goals and have a sense of accomplishment when you can visually see progress and results!
A-attainable- How can you be successful in this goal? By being aware of how to reach your goal, you begin to see opportunities that bring you one step closer to goal achievement. Choices and changes you make help you to grow towards your goals and understand them better along the way. It’s all about awareness here!
R-realistic- How feasible is this goal? Don’t schedule yourself at the gym 7 days a week for 2 hours if you don’t have the time to do it. You can start small to create those habits. Know your goals and the changes in behavior that need to take place. Then be honest with yourself- can I do this? Avoid setting yourself up for failure.
T-timely- Give yourself a time limit. If there is no time limit, goals seem to fizzle out because we have no end point. Timelines give us something to aim for and help to motivate us along the way.
Don’t forget to ‘fill your bucket’ What good are goals if we forget to praise ourselves along the way? ‘Filling your bucket’ is a metaphor for providing yourself enough positivity to feel good about yourself each and every day. Fill your personal bucket with uplifting thoughts, motivation, and pats on the back each time you make choices to help in accomplishing your goals. Be aware of your progress as well as the adjustments you’re making to change your behavior, and give yourself credit for it. You are your best cheerleader!
Make mistakes, make a lot of them. Say whaaaaat??? I promise I am not crazy! Mistakes help us to create new things, learn new things, attempt new things…By making mistakes you are living. Making mistakes helps us to push ourselves and make changes; you do things you’ve never done before. Make new mistakes. Make wonderful mistakes. Make mistakes that you never thought you would. Do not worry about not being good enough, or that you will be judged. Do not worry about being perfect. What ever you are fearful of doing….DO IT. Make mistakes in 2016 and forever.
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