SECRETS OF A SOCIAL WORKER

Find peace.Find happiness.Find yourself

Tag: foster care

My Christmas List…

December 22, 2015 / / 0 Comments

Michigan. Farmington Hills. Christmas wreath in a snowy fence. Wintertime scenics and holiday spirit.

Not just giving presents, but being present.
Not only grocery shopping for holiday meals, but also donating to families who do not have holiday meals.
Not just traveling for the holidays, but thinking of those who do not have family to travel to.
Not only watching the beautiful snow fall, but thinking of those who have never seen snow.
Not only giving thanks for all that we have, but giving our time to others who are not as fortunate.
Not just decorating our home for the holidays, but remembering those who do not have a home to decorate.
Not only having the Christmas spirit, but spreading the Christmas spirit and love to others.
Not just being excited to celebrate Christmas and receive gifts from Santa, but remember those who have never celebrated Christmas or ever received a gift.
Not just praying for good weather so our travels are easy, but praying for those who have nowhere warm to go when the weather is cold.
Not only listening to Christmas music, but spreading Christmas cheer.
Not only searching for great holiday deals, but being thankful for everything we already have.
Not only opening gifts from others, but opening our hearts to those who need love the most.
-keep shining
 
 
 

 

I Am Thankful

November 25, 2015 / / 0 Comments

IMG_0804

Happy Thanksgiving week everyone! Of course, since it’s the season of giving and thanks, a blog focused on these wonderful topics feels necessary. There is nothing better in this world than the holiday season, am I right?!

I’ll be honest with you and admit that a small part of me feels so guilty around this time of year. I am fortunate to have a happy, healthy, and loving family to spend the holidays with.  I am always looking forward to the holidays because of how much I enjoy being with my family. The reason I feel guilty is because in my daily work as a social worker I spend time with children who have never celebrated a holiday. Never celebrated a holiday… Can you imagine that? Daily, I spend time with children who have never been given a gift, and do not know how to unwrap a present. I spend time with children who do not know who their family is and have no one to celebrate with. I spend the holidays explaining to children who Santa Claus is because they have never heard of him. I have seen children celebrate holidays in residential facilities and do not have any family come to visit them. I have seen children who do not know where their siblings are during the holidays and are worried about them. I have seen children’s behaviors escalate over the holidays because they do not know how to process the emotions that they are feeling during the holiday season. These children listen to other peers in school talk about their holiday festivities and their families, their new gifts…Can you imagine how that must feel? It is difficult for me to take time off of work to enjoy this special time of year without wanting to take all of my clients home with me! For me, this time of year makes it hard to separate work from home life.

I think it is SO important this time of year to truly think about what it is we are thankful for, no matter how big or small. There is always something to be thankful for. I would challenge all of you to physically write down a list of all that you are thankful for this year. Hopefully you are overwhelmed with positive feelings when you can look at that list and think of how fortunate you are to have countless amounts of wonderful things and wonderful people in your lives! Be mindful of the positive aspects of your life and be thankful for them.

Focus on the beauty of this earth. The sky, the changing of the seasons, the sounds of nature… Be thankful for the beauty that surrounds us every single day, and that we so easily overlook.Think about all the obvious wonders in our lives that we overlook. Focus on those ‘things’ that we forget that we have the luxury to enjoy…Every.Single.Day.

I would also challenge you to do one good deed this holiday season revolved around helping others. It feels SO good to give back and to help those less fortunate than ourselves. If you have children, I would encourage you to get them involved in the season of giving as this time of year can be such a fabulous learning experience for children.
Why is it so important to give back and be thankful this holiday season, you ask? Just remember those children I mentioned above and try putting yourselves in their shoes.

As a social worker we try to make the holidays such an exciting time for the individuals we serve. We try making it special, unique, memorable. This can seem impossible at times, and sometimes I feel defeated… There is truly nothing I can do to make this person feel loved around the holidays. But, I can be there for them and I can give back somehow to make their holiday experiences just a little bit better, a little more meaningful, and help them create moments worth remembering.

I want people to know that lending a helping hand during the holidays does not go unnoticed. It does not matter how big or small your contribution is, you can make a difference. You can help in making the holiday season be positive for those who have never experienced the warm, loving feeling this season provides to most of us. And please, enjoy the holiday season you are fortunate to spend with your friends and family, making memories and eating all those comfort foods…After all, calories don’t count during the holidays, right?!

It feels good to do good for others.

-keep shining, and have a safe and memorable Thanksgiving.

Safe Word

July 10, 2015 / / 0 Comments

FullSizeRender

As a parent /care giver, we know teenagers can be difficult, that is no secret or surprise. We worry about teenagers and the decisions they make. It is stressful!
As a teenager, life is challenging. You’re trying to figure out who you are, who you want to be, and what choices you want to make in life. And at times, you make choices based on what your friends want and not necessarily what feels right to you.

I am sure everyone has a few situations they look back on with some regret, or knowing it was wrong. However, because our peers did it or pressured us into doing it we felt obligated. It was the “cool” thing to do, so of course we wanted to fit in!
So, how can we help? As caregivers and parents, what are some tips/tricks we can utilize to ensure our teens and children stay safe? There seems to be nothing that works at times as teens will want to be independent, and of course think we are the worst people on the face of the earth! Teenagers do know everything and have every answer, as you know 😉

I just have one simple trick to share today, and that is the create a “safe word” with your teen or child. You and your teenager can come up with a word together. Once a word is decided upon, this can be used in numerous different situations your teen is not comfortable in. For example, let’s say your teenager is at a friend’s house and the friends are doing something that makes your teen feel unsafe or uncomfortable. The teenager can text you their safe word. As a parent or caregiver, we can then call our teen telling them we need to pick them up for whatever reason we make up. This is just one example of how a “safe word” can be used.

Some people may think why not just call your parent and tell them to come get you?. Well, let’s be honest, how many teenagers are going to tell their friends they do not feel safe and want to leave? Not many.

“Safe word” also assists in helping you and your teen communicate. Start by thanking them and praising them for using the safe word (refer back to my Relationship vs. Repair blog), and then talk about what happened, or how to avoid dangers in the future.

This simple technique can also be used for children to ensure their safety. Just like you would with a teenager, you and your child create a safe word together. For this next example, let’s say the safe word you and your child created is bubblegum.  Example: Let’s say you are having neighbor Joe pick your child up from daycare because you work late. Joe has to tell your child the safe word, bubblegum, before your child will go with neighbor Joe. Let your child know to never leave with any adults unless the adult knows to say the word bubblegum. Make sense? Now, our  job as parents is be sure to tell neighbor Joe the safe word prior to picking up our child 🙂

Simple, but effective!

Safety is important. Do not feel ridiculous for wanting to double, or triple check, that your teen/child is safe. You are entitled to those feelings as a parent, and it is important that we know our children are safe.

-keep shining

Relationship before Repair

July 1, 2015 / / 0 Comments

FullSizeRender

Relationship before Repair

This concept is SO important when forming and continuing relationships- positive and long lasting relationships. But let me tell you, it’s not easy. So what does this mean exactly?

Relationship before Repair means to focus on your relationship and connections with someone before repairing a problem or issue, or correcting someone due to a mistake that was made.

Here is a helpful example:

Let’s say you have a teenager. Let’s say this lovely, polite teenager decides not to come home for their curfew. When would a teenager do such a thing?! I can hardly imagine it 🙂

So, your child is not home and does not answer your calls. You’re worried, stressed, frantic, upset, disappointed. And in the midst of all your understandable flight of emotions, your lovely, polite teen comes through the door 2 hours after curfew.

What do you do?

I can tell you in that moment I would have a few choice words to say and send them straight to their room while I decided their fate! However, is this method really helpful in that moment? What will that teach your teen?

This is where we remember Relationship before Repair.

How much more memorable and meaningful would it be to focus on your relationship in that terrifying yet frustrating moment? When your teen comes through the door, wouldn’t it be better to first hug them and tell them how happy you are that they are safe and at home? To tell them how much you love them and how worried you were. And thanking them for coming home.

What would that tell a child? What does that teach them?

Imagine how much this concept can help your relationship with teens, with children, with coworkers, with significant others….

Think about what’s really important in these situations, and where the focus needs to be in these intense moments. Because honestly, amidst all your anger and frustration is relief. Relief that your child is home and is safe. In that moment, that should be our focus.

Now I’m not saying we don’t discuss the issue with that teenager, and I’m not saying we do not ground them. Consequences for actions are necessary at times and issues need to be addressed, but there is no sense of making consequences if there is no connection or relationship established. I can assure you most teens will not listen if they do not have a positive connection with you, and most people will be on the defense regardless of whether or not they are at fault.

People want to feel loved even in their worst moments. It is times like this, when people know they mess up or know they are wrong, that they need you the most. This is where you can prove to them that you are there for them for the long haul. This is where you prove that your relationship with them matters. So much can be defined from these moments, and the response you will get from people may shock you. Now I am not saying it always works and that teen will never be late again, but they will remember what you said and how you handled the situation, and that is what matters.

We say a lot when we are mad, it’s human. And some of what we say in our moments of anger later comes back to haunt us. Sometimes we are so angry we don’t even remember saying what we say. Relationship before Repair keeps us in check and reminds us what is truly important in the heat of the moment. It reminds us that we need to focus on the love we have for one another and let our love help define and strengthen our relationships.

-keep shining

I Am A Mother…But I Have No Children.

May 10, 2015 / / 0 Comments

A special shout out to all moms today on this WONDERFUL holiday. Where would we be without all the fabulous mothers in this world? Thank YOU, moms, for all that you do. Please know that you are appreciated every single day.

Happy Mother’s Day!

I am a Mother…But I have no Children.

The word “mom”…What does it mean to you?

What does it mean specifically to a child?

“Mom” took on a whole new meaning for me once I began working more closely with children. I am not a mother, but have a wonderful one who I would argue is the best mom out there (I might be a little biased).
I  have had the opportunity to work with some wonderful children in my career. And to my surprise, some of them call me “mom” early on working with them. I cannot tell you how rewarding, yet heartbreaking, yet disturbing it is to hear those words from children who I feel are still practically strangers to me. There were even times children have referred to me as “mom” in front of their biological mother- that will always take the cake for most awkward moment ever!
Since having the privilege to work more closely with children over the past 2 years, I have come to understand the word “mom” as this; someone who is consistently in your life, and who will be there when they say they will. Mothers care about you, they show you how it feels to be loved. They teach you right from wrong. They take you to appointments to ensure you’re healthy. They sing with you and play games.
I am not these children’s mother, but I do for them all the things the typical “mom” would do.
How fantastic is it that children who may have been neglected or lost a parent during any time of their lives still feel they have a mother? Because to a child, a mother does not have to just be the person who births you. Their innocent little brains don’t even understand that concept yet. To a child, mothers are simply the nurturing people in your lives that teach you about love. And it’s great that I can do that for them. (Not to take away from the importance of any biological mothers- they will always be the women who brought these wonderful children into this world).
 Spending time with these children has given them the experience that every child should get to have; simply being loved.
So we can all be mothers to somebody, even if we biologically do not have any children. I have become a mother in my career, and even for how intimidating that may be at times it is SO rewarding. I have learned about what kind of mother I will be some day, and that having a mother is something every child deserves.
puppy-love
*For the sake of the holiday and my blog I have used the term “mom”, although this description of a mom pertains just as equally to any dads out there as well. We love you, dads, we didn’t forget about you!

© 2024 SECRETS OF A SOCIAL WORKER

Theme by Anders Noren — Up ↑