SECRETS OF A SOCIAL WORKER

Find peace. Find happiness. Find yourself.

Tag: love (page 1 of 3)

Happy Things Thursday

  1. Belly laughs
  2. Adult sleepovers
  3. Holidays that fall on a Monday
  4. Watching your plants grow
  5. Heated car seats
  6. Making a donation to a good cause
  7. New pillows
  8. Tears of joy
  9. When slow drivers move over to allow you to pass them
  10. When your flight is on time

if being alone…

if being alone
can teach you anything
let it teach you 

how to be resilient
when you need it most 

how to move on
when there’s nothing left to wait for 

how to rely on yourself
because no one else is there 

how to accept that what’s meant for you 
won’t reach you while you’re waiting for something else 

how to be confident
standing out in a crowd 

how to accept yourself
without approval from those around you

how to let go
and wait to see what magic unfolds

but above all
let the loneliness teach you how to value yourself 

before handing yourself over 
to everyone else 

-keep shining

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Finding Peace Through Pain

The entire concept and culture around emotional pain completely fascinates me. We hurt a lot as humans; it’s a part of our growth and resiliency while we venture through life. And most of the pain we deal with day to day is our thoughts. What is fascinating to me is that we choose to let pain burden us, and because of that we experience things like confusion, irritability, difficulty concentrating, fear, anxiety, anger, rejection, humiliation, perceived failure, mood swings, guilt, shame, and self-blame (to name a few)…And to add to this long list, pain causes us to mentally rewind time, replay situations, ruminate,  and wish for different outcomes. AKA-we are constantly and subjectively experiencing mental suffering. And do you know the worst part is? It’s addicting…

It’s easy for our minds to focus on and discuss the negative; what isn’t going well, what hurts, what upsets us, what we don’t like. Our minds are hardwired to have a stronger focus on and easier pull towards pain rather than happiness and optimism. It’s engrained into our cultures and entangled  in our every day life to focus on negativity…It’s contagious to experience pain because it helps us relate to others and gives us something to talk about.  We are motivated by pain and negativity, and we gravitate towards focusing on others’ pain and negativity more so than what is going well in their lives.

I am constantly being asked how I manage pain from my personal life experiences as well as the secondary trauma I acquire from helping those that have endured horrific pain. I did not realize how much pain could gradually seep into my life until working in a career filled with it. That being said, I have come to live by a few very important rules regarding pain and how I ensure it doesn’t control me…

  • First and foremost – every painful, broken piece of us doesn’t need to be analyzed, collected, or remembered… Some pieces need to stay lost because they don’t belong to us, they happened to us. Let the pieces go. Move forward, and do not hold onto these things. Do not claim the pain, just understand that it was an experience. And as hard as it is, do not tie emotion to it. It just is, and let it be just that.
  • Change your beliefs about the pain. We cannot experience love, humility, positivity without an understanding of gratitude. And without any pain, we would fail to see how great life can truly be. How can you look at the painful experience as a learning curve, or a helpful step in the right direction? What positives can come out of this pain? How can you change the belief about the purpose of the pain to help it motivate you?
  • Do not run away from pain, allow yourself to feel everything. Be present with your feelings, allow whatever it is that wants to come up to do so. Do not be embarrassed; purge the emotion. This is how we move forward, otherwise we stuff things deep inside to be dealt with later, on top of all the other pain we try to avoid. Embrace what you need to feel; it helps to understand and accept the pain… A very good tool for this is meditation.
  • Slow down. We cannot allow ourselves to feel if we are constantly going at a pace of 100 miles an hour. Give yourself time to breathe, and figure out how to move forward with these painful experiences. I am guilty of purposefully going 100 miles an hour so I do not have time to ruminate on pain… It’s how I distract myself, and it is not healthy. Take time to be with yourself, and work through the pain before it gets stuffed deep down to come up later. And trust me, it will come up later.
  • When you are right in the muck of your pain, ask yourself if there’s any piece of this that you can control. If the answer is no, you cannot control or change anything about this, then learn to let it go after you process through it. *Meditation is super helpful here also*. We cannot hold onto pain that serves us no purpose. If we can’t make any positive changes, and if the situation is not in our control, we must move on and move forward.  What other option do we really have?
  • And lastly – how can you make your pain a part of you? Always remind yourself to use pain to your advantage. Remind yourself that pain makes you who you are, and it has helped to develop you into your current self…Your soulful, resilient self. And isn’t that a beautiful thing?


You are never more than one thought away from peace~

-keep shining

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To Feel It All Is To Be Alive

We are supposed to feel…
Emotions are meant to awaken us.

We are supposed to
love
and hate
and cry
and laugh.

That’s the point.
To feel it all is to be human.

We are supposed to be destroyed.
Pick up the pieces over and over again.

Don’t avoid it,
don’t remove it.

Accept the pain when you’re broken.
Know that you’re going to make mistakes.

We grieve,
we get angry.

But it’s only then that we recognize how good life can be when it’s really good.

To feel it all is be to alive. 

 

-keep shining

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Turning People Into Trees


When you go out into the woods and you look at the trees, you see all these different trees. And some of them are bent and some of them are straight. Some of them are evergreens and some of them are whatever. And you look at the tree and you allow it. You see why it is the way it is. You sort of understand that it didn’t get enough light and so it turned out that way. And you don’t get emotional about it. You just allow it. You appreciate the tree. The minute you get near humans you lose all that. You are constantly saying, “you’re too this“, or “I’m too this“. That judging mind comes in. So I practice turning people into trees. Which means appreciating them just the way they are.  –
Ram Dass

This is easily one of my favorite quotes of all time. Do yourself a quick favor (pretty please) and read this quote again, soak it up, and think about how this pertains to your life.
Now what I need all of you to do is ease up…Ease up, people! On yourselves, on others, on the trees, on everything. Life is too short to live each day judging everyone. And most importantly, life is too short to live each day judging yourself. Nothing kills love quicker than judgement.

There is nothing more beautiful or worthwhile than discovering who someone is. Beneath it all. Everyone has a story, and we miss out on that by all of our preconceived assumptions and opinions. Everyone can teach you something, and we constantly lose out on the opportunity to learn. How boring would life be if everyone were just like you, if everyone thought the same way you did? If you allow yourself to let people just be without creating any immediate assumptions about who they are and/or treat them as such, they will blossom, and they will remember how kind you were. That is what makes life worth living. People are doing the best that they can in the best way that they know how. 

We all have our struggles and life is hard enough. Be sure to remind yourself each day why you are important, why you matter, and why you love yourself. We forget to be kind to ourselves because we are so scared of judgement. We care far too much about what others think about us and we care far too much about things that do not matter. We cannot control those who judge us, but we can control how we judge ourselves….

If judging others and yourself and making assumptions about people is something you struggle with, I challenge you to practice this skill and see how it changes your life. And let the trees be a reminder of how positive life can be.
Appreciate yourself, and appreciate those around you.

-keep shining

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