Tag: mindfulness (Page 1 of 9)

Words.

February 9, 2024 / MelKai23 / 0 Comments

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” is one of the biggest lies we tell ourselves, starting in grade school. In fact, I would argue that words are the most powerful weapon we have access to, and we carry it with us at all times.
Words can be the fixer of all things and can also be the reason someone can’t seem to make it through life. Our words matter, they have meaning, they are impactful, and it is our responsibility to use them wisely.

I recently heard a speech given by Mohammed Qahtani where he stated, “Words have power. Words are power. Words could be your power. You can change a life, inspire a nation, make this world a beautiful place. Isn’t that what we all wanted? Your mouth can spit venom, or it can mend a broken soul.”

I rewatched that speech numerous times, reflecting on moments in my life where words truly changed my trajectory…Times when words broke me down, but also the times when words impacted me so greatly that they are a major reason for my happiness.

There is one memory that I immediately thought of when listening to Mohammed’s speech that changed my perspective on words, kindness, and how the two together can literally change someone’s life.
Several years ago, I would guess about 2018, I met with someone interested in the anti-human trafficking movement who requested a meeting with me. Let’s call her, Jane Doe (I know, I lose points in creativity here, but just stick with me!). When Jane and I met, I immediately recognized her from about 20 years earlier in middle school. When we introduced ourselves and sat down, I said to her, “hey, aren’t you Jane Doe?!” She looked at me, shocked and a little embarrassed/uncomfortable and responded with, “yeah, but how do you know me and know my last name? I haven’t used that last name in a very long time.” I explained to her that I knew her from middle school prior to her moving. She told me she was surprised I remembered her, and she went on to explain she felt unlikeable and that no one really saw her. She then talked about a basketball game she saw me at after she had moved…”Hey, are you the Melissa who looked at me, smiled and waved, and said Hi Jane at that basketball game?”…
After we reminisced on that moment from 20 years prior, we went on to talk about why she moved away and changed her last name, and some of the trauma in her life at that time.

The point of this short story is not to give myself a pat-on-the-back or any kudos. It’s to show the power of words, literally one word…hi. HI. Just simply acknowledging someone with one word made them feel seen, likeable, and a moment worth remembering. We talked about how that moment impacted her, which shocked me, because it did not feel like I did much.
She remembered that moment. We both remembered that moment. It was 20 years ago, and she remembered me, a middle schooler, just smiling and using the word hi. During that time in her life, she felt invisible, unimportant, and abused. She did not have friends or a healthy support system, and simply having someone display kindness towards her with a simple “hi” made such an impact on her life that 20 years later she still randomly remembered some girl named Melissa showing her kindness at a basketball game.

Our meeting, which was supposed to be about anti-trafficking work, impacted the both of us in ways we did not expect, and we were purposefully brought together again. It will always stick with me. We do not always get to know what impact our words have on people and I was grateful for the opportunity to see her again.

Long story short, do not underestimate the power of words. Not only do they convey meaning and purpose, but they are how we express ourselves to others and how we find connection. Each one of us can reflect on many times in which words hurt us, changed our lives, or made us the happiest we could have ever been. It’s important to remember those experiences and understand that it is each of our responsibilities to choose words wisely. Simply saying to someone you love them, are proud of them, care about them, believe in them, or see their potential can change their lives. And apparently, so can simply just smiling and saying hi.

Don’t ever diminish the power of words. Words move hearts, and hearts move limbs. ~

-keep shining

Find me:
Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, LinkedIn

Ten Thoughts for Self-Reflection

July 16, 2023 / MelKai23 / 0 Comments

The grass is not always greener on the other side, it is greener where you water it.
The quality of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.
“No” is a full sentence.
Overthinking makes you a prisoner, being present sets you free.
We don’t learn by doing, we learn by reflecting upon what we’ve done.
Life is only a reflection of what we allow ourselves to see.
You are the only person you need to be good enough for.
Attract what you expect. Reflect what you desire. Become what you respect. Mirror what you admire.
Once you have learned and accepted all of your flaws, no one can use them against you.
Do something today that your future self will thank you for.

-keep shining

Find me:
Instagram,Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest

What moving has taught me…

May 8, 2023 / MelKai23 / 0 Comments

I had one of my dearest friends come visit me this past weekend, and several others within the last few months. And although it’s been a busy winter of guests and hosting, being able to spend time with some of the most important people in my life has completely rejuvenated me.

As friends and family all came from the snowy, cold north, we naturally spent a lot of time outdoors. I noticed that while we spent time on the beaches and by the water in my new home (which I like to call Paradise), I reflected so much on the last year and four months of my life since relocating.

This is all I want to leave with you today:

Fear isn’t negative. Sometimes it’s okay to jump in with two feet and not have a perfect plan for landing. It feels good to move past our fears and live through them. It gives us new perspective, it helps us trust ourselves, and we gain a new sense of confidence we may not have had before.

YOLO is a great life motto. Not only because it’s fun, but because it’s simply just true. Life is short…To live our entire lives always wondering and wishing is a complete waste. We are here to enjoy life and to be happy. Sometimes that comes with risk, because YOLO.

Take time to appreciate where you live. Spend a day or weekend pretending you are visiting. This can motivate you to try new things and explore in ways you haven’t done before. Mindfulness is so important! Pay attention to all the small things you appreciate about where you live, and learn new things to keep it fun and fresh.

Meaningful friendships aren’t always the most prevalent. Some of my favorite moments are reconnecting with friends over a quick chat or an hour-long phone call talking about WHAT IS LIFE. If you can pick up right where you left off with people and the conversations make you feel good, don’t let those friendships fizzle even if they aren’t there every day.

Push yourself out of your comfort zone and do scary things, and do so in a way that makes you feel challenged. Scary things can be exciting and rejuvenating. Sometimes we need to feel scared to appreciate the consistent and comfortable parts of our lives. We overlook comfort and get complacent, but to feel scared reminds us of what keeps us grounded. We feel grounded when we are comfortable, and we don’t want to take this for granted.

Love yourself enough to put yourself first. We live for other people all the time which can be stressful, confusing, and sad. What do YOU want when you take everyone else out of the equation? It’s important to think about that sometimes.

Missing people and places is okay. It feels good to cherish those people and places that live in your heart, and sometimes you appreciate them more when you miss them. It feels good to reminisce and smile about it. The fear of missing people and places should not stop you from making decisions for yourself. The people will always be there (thank you FaceTime and airplanes), and the places aren’t going anywhere.

You can always change your mind; you can always go back to the way things were if you don’t end up enjoying the risk you take. But at the end of the day, you can at least say you did it and now you know the outcome. Closure and understanding are beautiful things, even if they come with a little chaos.

Don’t regret the decisions you make. For starters, regret is a pointless and torturous feeling. And at the time the decisions were made, they were what was best for you in that moment with what you had and with what you knew. Nothing is permanent.

Faith is the real MVP. Trust yourself, trust your gut, and let life happen without having to control it all. Watch it all unfold for you and see how beautiful timing is when you allow yourself to follow your faith.

If you never try, you’ll never know~

-keep shining

Find me:
Instagram,Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest

Lettin’ er Go

August 20, 2022 / MelKai23 / 0 Comments

Let me put this bluntly; Not everyone who hurts you cares…
Ouch, that stings. I know.
And nothing is more painful or frustrating than spending our time ruminating on our hurt when we know the person who has caused it is not one bit concerned…Why don’t they care? What did I do to deserve this? I did not see this coming. Why haven’t they said sorry, or reached out? Why can’t I just let this go? Why did they hurt me?

We taint incredible life moments when we spend all our time thinking about someone irresponsibly hurting us. Thinking about why they did it, why they don’t seem to care or acknowledge…We lose sight of special moments when we focus on being befuddled by their actions, often missing out on being in the moment because we are stuck desperately trying to piece everything together to make sense of it. So why can’t we let it go, and how do we?

Here are my thoughts:

It’s hard work, and it takes a lot of discipline and patience to get yourself there. One helpful statement I came across is, “when someone has a ‘problem’ with you and they don’t come to you with it, that is not your problem”. If they do not come to you to fix that issue, that is their problem. There is nothing for you to do. If you think they are having a problem or they are acting differently, it is their responsibility to come to you. It is their issue therefore if they’re not coming to you, let it go. You are not the one with the ‘problem’ which means no sweat off your back. We often ask ourselves what we have done wrong or hypothesize how can we fix it, when it is not our issue. Can you check in with them and ask? Sure, have at it. However, try to remind yourself that the issue lies within the other involved party as this takes some weight and frustration away. It is not solely your responsibility.
Secondly, forgiveness does not have to mean you let someone off the hook for hurting you. It can simply mean you are moving forward, forgiving and releasing the pain so you do not sit in this icky space any longer. You can forgive the things that caused you pain, but you do not need to forget. You can remember how that person treated you so your future approach with them is different. For example, maybe I lend someone money who does not pay me back. I can forgive them so I do not hold onto the negative energy that does not serve a purpose to me, but you better believe I will not forget that and never loan them money again. Or perhaps you know a good friend of yours has lied to you and they are not coming clean. You may just choose not to trust them in the same way anymore and are more cautious about what you share…
We do not forget what happened, but we forgive in order to relieve ourselves of the anger. We give the other person power if we bathe in our feelings of resentment or anger. Release the energy from this and put it towards something more positive and worthy, perhaps.
Sometimes, the people in our life are just selfish. You get to decide if you want to engage with that person or not. If you understand the person well, you may know that they only want to win, and that regardless of your feelings or responses to the pain they caused you, they will still end with the upper-hand and the last word. Selfish people just want what they want, and it’s important that we identify them so we can more easily move on without letting their hurt cause us to waste our time.
I can assume you are a caring, thoughtful, and nice person, and for those of us who are, we try SO hard to make things right and struggle to cut ties. It’s a blessing and a curse to be so incredibly kind, isn’t it?
It’s hard to spot these self-centered people sometimes until we get blindsided by their actions, and it stings. Start asking yourself questions to help cut those toxic ties:
- Why would they say/do that to me?
- What is their goal?
- What do I mean to them if they are treating me this way?
- What are they getting out of this?
Sometimes people’s actions trigger us. Our past experiences and traumas, fears, wants and wishes, etc. can cause us to react more intensely to certain people or situations than what is typical for us. It’s important to recognize if this person’s actions are triggering something deeper within us so we can examine and understand that part of who we are and what we expect from those in our lives. If you find yourself really struggling to move forward from the human who mindlessly hurt you, ask yourself these questions:
- Why is this particular situation or person so difficult for me?
- What past experiences or circumstances, fears, or wants may be affecting my reaction?
- What were my expectations of this person who hurt me?
- Does this remind me of something I have been through?
Do not assume. This one, my friends, is a difficult task. How many times do we think we know that someone is upset, or their tone was off, or “gee, I clearly rubbed them the wrong way”…All to find out that nothing was wrong at all? Or what if *GASPS* their demeanor had nothing to do with you but instead a completely separate situation? Shocking! Sometimes we get so caught up in making assumptions that we forget that those assumptions are not real. Who hasn’t gone into a total tailspin of fear or anger over something they later realized they were completely wrong about? *Raises hand* Guilty.
Maybe that is the whole reason you even decided to read today’s blog; you think someone is upset with you and you are unsure what to do about it. Ask yourself these questions:
- What led me to believe they would be angry at me, or would treat me this way?
- What facts do I have; how do I know this?
Know that you deserve better. Remind yourself of all of your strengths, because they are endless. I know, this feels cringe-worthy…My gosh, how could we possibly think so kindly of ourselves?! But if we want to move past how someone treated us, we have to remind ourselves that we deserve better, and why. If that feels like a tough task to accomplish, lean on friends and family to help remind you.
Celebrating all the incredible things you bring to the table helps to empower you to move forward and be happy. Happiness is the greatest gift of this lifetime, after all, and we do not allow ourselves enough of it. We need to care more about ourselves than the people who mindlessly hurt us.
And lastly…Bye FELICIA! Ain’t nobody got time for that.

Let it hurt
Let it bleed
Let it heal
And let it go

-keep shining

Find me:
Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest

Life=Math, Math=Life

November 7, 2021 / MelKai23 / 0 Comments

Math = EEEEEW. I hate math, in fact, all social workers hate math. And often times social workers say they just, flat-out, refuse to do math. But, a few months ago, I had a fulfilling conversation with a friend and family member that has stuck with me. We discussed a concept of life being like math, as you add, subtract, multiply, and divide. We can either add to the world, subtract from the world, multiply the world, or divide it.
And we cannot move ahead in life without solving the problem in front of us…A solution exists somewhere and it is up to us to appreciate patience, learn the skill, and solve the problem before we can move forward.
It is a simple and obvious concept, but I find that sometimes the most obvious motivators and solutions need to be said out loud…Who do you want to be? Do you want to add positivity to the world, do you want to take away from it, do you want to multiply the impact you have on the world, or do you want to divide the world? Do you want to find solutions, or cheat your way through? Who are you now, and who do you want to be?

During the conversation I was having with these two insightful individuals, we discussed the connection between the math concept and being present in life and opportunity. When we open our eyes to our surroundings, we constantly have opportunity knocking at our doors. It is up to us to recognize it and decide if we take a leap of faith, or if we live in our every day normal.

Although these two concepts seem very different, they are related. Our ability to multiply and add to the world enhances our ability to understand and see faith in taking leaps and recognizing opportunity. What is life if we do not try new things, if we do not step out of our comfort zone, and what impact could we have if we change our attitudes and behaviors? In order to live life fully and be open to opportunity, we have to understand our impact on the world; what we add to it, or what we wish to add.

When I am fearful and hesitant to take a leap of faith or step out of my comfort zone, the first thing I ask myself is, what is the worst thing that could happen? I allow myself to go there; to the most fearful and risky part of the situation. I play that out, and then I find the solution to that problem, should it happen. Because even in the worst of times, we have proven to ourselves that we can get through it, as we are all still here, right? In the worst of times, we have pulled ourselves up by our bootstraps and gotten through it.

I promised myself I would always explore the opportunity in front of me, go to the worst-case scenario, find the solution to that and ask myself if it is worth the risk. I evaluate my options and ask myself how I want to feel at the end of this rainbow…Would I rather have tried and maybe failed, to at least know the outcome? Would I rather take the chance of exploring the opportunity knowing it is where my heart truly is, and if I fail I have a higher faith in knowing it was all meant to be? Or do I live in my current situation, not ever and potentially always wondering what could have been?
The choice is up to you and what is most comfortable, which is the beauty of choice.

Life is about opportunity, exploration, and happiness. We are not meant to stay within a box of ‘societal norms’ and expectations we put on ourselves. Life is about learning, enjoying, and exploring. It is about taking risks and learning lessons, or taking risks and multiplying our impact when we find that the risk was worth it.

Speak your truth, and do not apologize for being exactly who you are. Change brings opportunity. Success comes from taking opportunities and taking that chance. We can create the right opportunity to add to our lives.

If somebody offers you an amazing opportunity, but you are not sure you can do it, say yes, then learn how to do it later. ~

-Keep shining

Find me:
Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest

Tag: mindfulness (Page 1 of 9)

Archives

Recent Posts

Recent Comments

Meta

Archives

Categories