Category: Self Development (Page 11 of 13)

The Power of Vulnerability

February 3, 2016 / MelKai23 / 0 Comments

It’s true….The word ‘vulnerable’ is viewed pretty negatively. It makes sense that the word is viewed negatively because to be vulnerable means that we are in a state of weakness, being more susceptible to physical or emotional harm. It reminds us that we have insecurities and cannot cope with everything that comes our way. And who wants to ever be in a state of weakness? Who would want to have insecurities?

In this society, there is so much importance placed upon being strong, independent, and smart. People strive to appear confident and unbreakable. It is a part of our society that has been engraved into our brains, especially for males. But, being strong and confident all the time is exhausting, is it not? Wouldn’t it be nice to put down the facade from time to time and admit that we just cannot handle it anymore?
Well what if I told you that embracing your weaknesses will make you a more confident individual? Would you believe me?

I want you to know that is it okay to be vulnerable…There is no greater strength as a human than to be open to vulnerability.

Personally, I have difficulty admitting to being wrong and apologizing. I feel extremely vulnerable when I know I am wrong because I know I need to own up to those mistakes and voice my apology where an apology is due. I know I cannot escape my mistake until I own up to it and make it right. I dread it, and frankly, I am bad at it. However, there is a huge feeling of relief and a huge feeling of empowerment when I own up to vulnerabilities such as these. There is something about breaking down your walls, being vulnerable, telling the truth, and admitting your weaknesses that feels so good. And do you want to know why?
Because we are human. Humans are supposed to have moments of weakness, humans are supposed to have faults. How do we learn if we do not let ourselves be vulnerable? It is in times of weakness that we learn our strengths, we learn what we are made of, and we learn how we are going to come out on top. That is immense strength. To be vulnerable is the ability to put our egos aside and know that doing so is okay. It is a part of healing wounds, it is a part of working on those vulnerabilities to make them our strengths. Having failures, feeling uncertain, and being accountable are all a normal part of life. So, since we have to deal with those things, why not embrace them and make it easier on ourselves?

When was a time where you felt your weakest? How did you overcome that, and what did you learn?
In the moment , feeling weak or hopeless is not ideal and not something we want to face. But afterwards, it can feel really great if we open ourselves up to accepting our weaknesses and work on them. Self-awareness plays a huge role here, and being open to looking at each vulnerability as something we need to learn from. Why is this something that makes me feel vulnerable? What about my past makes this situation so difficult to overcome? Why is this insecurity of mine coming to the surface? And how can I make the most of this situation?
Another important piece of self-awareness is to set healthy boundaries with others. You do not want people to take advantage of your vulnerabilities, so to be aware of them is to protect yourself as well.

I challenge you to start verbalizing how you feel in each moment and be open to revealing your flaws to others. This step is truly exhilarating.
Vulnerabilities are purposefully put into our lives because we are meant to put down our walls and overcome barriers. Ask yourself how you can make your vulnerabilities your biggest strengths.

We all have fears of sharing too much and not being accepted by others. We neglect ourselves of truly connecting with people when we are always focused on being desirable rather than being who we are. It takes courage to accept the parts of ourselves we are ashamed of. Embrace and celebrate your shortcomings, and be open to other people’s as well. Ironically enough, you will find that embracing your flaws will make you a more confident individual.

Moving on, I want you to know that vulnerability helps us to be more humble. One huge gift that vulnerability provides us with is to ask for and accept help from others. Being able to accept help and genuinely thank someone can be as difficult as saying I’m sorry. But we must have a healthy balance between giving and receiving. We feel strong when we are the giver, the ‘one who knows’. We love to give, which is a great thing! But, it takes a healthy dose of humility to accept help and admit that we do not know everything. It is overwhelming and stressful to always be the giver. Graciously accept help. To ask for help is to look at a situation squarely and know that you cannot do it all. Humans are not made to be perfect. Needing help is being real with yourself, it is being smart and realistic.

Tidbits to review today:
1. Focus on self-awareness in moments of weakness. Be aware of your vulnerabilities so you can set boundaries with others.
2. Connect with people on a deeper level, do not focus on being desirable but instead on being YOU.
3. Celebrate and embrace your insecurities. They make you who you are, and by being more self-aware you can improve on those insecurities.
4. Failure and mistakes are normal. They make us human and help us learn.
5. Be open to revealing your flaws to others and verbalize how you feel, and know that it is okay to be uncertain sometimes.
6. To ask for help is humbling. It is smart and realistic to know that we cannot do it all. Asking for help and being the receiver is healthy. Accept help and provide thanks to the giver.

I define vulnerability as uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. To be human is to be in vulnerability. – Brene’ Brown

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In The Craziest Of Times, Be Present.

January 26, 2016 / MelKai23 / 0 Comments

Picture this:

You are alone in the woods and are running away from a big, mean, and hungry bear. In the exhausting and terrifying moments that you’re fearing for your life, you find a bridge with a tall gate that you think you’d be able to squeeze through. Thankfully, you make it through the gate and escape the terror of the hungry bear behind you. Once through the gate and looking forward while trying to catch your breath, you notice that the other side of the bridge has broken off and the falling pieces are ever-so-slowly creeping towards you. Looking below, you realize you’re too high up to jump off the bridge and land safely on the rocky terrain hundreds of feet below you. Between the angry bear attempting to break through the gate, and the fate of falling from the cliff you reside on, you’re stuck and panicked.
During your state of terror, you notice hanging off the side of the bridge the most beautiful, colorful, and lively flower you’ve ever seen. Its beauty is memorizing, and you can’t help but go towards the flower and feel happy in its presence. You sit next to and admire the flower, feeling relaxed when smelling its aroma and feeling comforted when touching its silky petals. In that moment, all is good with the world and you are at peace.

…Do you see where I am going with this?

Sometimes, all that we can do is focus on the present moment. Sometimes, everything surrounding us is scary, chaotic, negative, hurtful…And these situations may sometimes be out of our control. How can we be more present in those situations, in the exact moment, and focus on what is in our control? How can we find the good, and focus on the good when we are in an environment that is anything but peaceful? There is always something we can focus on that is good. In any situation, we have the ability to know and understand that things can get better. In any moment, we can choose to surround ourselves with positive thoughts. We may not be able to choose what is happening around us or to us, but we can choose where our focus lies and how we respond. Sometimes, the best way to react is to focus on the beauty right in front of us, what makes us smile, and how lucky we are in the present moment.

In scary, chaotic, negative and hurtful moments…find the flower.

Think positive, be positive, and positive things will happen.

-keep shining

First Thought Wrong

January 17, 2016 / MelKai23 / 0 Comments

‘First thought wrong’ is a concept I learned from comedian Mark Lundholm. I first heard about Mark when working at a psychiatric and addictions hospital where his motivational and comical videos were utilized in our treatment facility. I fell in love with his concept of ‘first thought wrong’ as it pertains to individuals suffering with the disease of addiction and their impulsive mindset. I also feel this concept can be utilized in many other aspects of our lives as it helps to remind ourselves to s l o w d o w n sometimes.

My definition of First Thought Wrong: Acting compulsively and speaking impulsively. Not taking the time to filter through our thoughts which leads to inappropriate responses. Speaking or doing too quickly. ‘First thought wrong’ is the concept of reacting too quickly therefore our responses may be wrong.

When I am using my emotions to think through a problem or disagreement, that is where I need to utilize this concept the most. How often do we respond impulsively using our emotions, rather than taking time to filter our thoughts and process our response before blurting it out loud? It is when I am deeply connected to something that is being questioned that I get defensive and utilize my emotions to respond quickly, not giving myself any time to filter my words. ‘First thought wrong’ reminds me that typically in these heated and emotional moments, the first thing I plan to say may be wrong and better kept to myself. It is a reminder that I should back up and count to 10 before acting or responding. This helps me to react logically and professionally rather than with my emotions.

One thing I have learned through social work is that silence is a good and helpful thing. Sometimes, no one has to say anything and we can all just be silent, process our thoughts, and take time to think things through. This is difficult, as sometimes 10 seconds can feel like 5 years! However, I have noticed that a little silence goes a long way, and sometimes not saying anything says a lot. Practice being comfortable in moments of silence, and do not feel badly about verbalizing your need to take some time to think through your response…. It is okay. You are benefitting yourself by slowing down and taking the extra time to formulate your responses.

Mark Lundholm states that sometimes his ‘first thought wrong’ can take many days to process through. It can take that long to remove ‘first thought wrong’ and replace it with the right thing to do. Sometimes it will take us days to replace ‘first thought wrong’ to produce a positive thought which leads to appropriate and calm responses.

Think about a time when you could of utilized the concept of ‘first thought wrong’…. What would of have been different had you used this concept? What benefits could ‘first thought wrong’ have provided in this situation?

Take the extra time to calmly and correctly respond. You will learn more about yourself in the process, and that is something special!

“First thought wrong becomes next right thing” – Mark Lundholm

-keep shining

2016, I’m Ready For You!

January 2, 2016 / MelKai23 / 0 Comments

Okay, it’s that time of year again… The time where we focus on all the changes we want to make, and how refreshed we will magically feel now that year 2016 has arrived. ‘New year new me’.

So how can we actually accomplish the goals we create for year 2016? And how can we be inspired to believe that the new year will be filled with great changes and a feeling of being refreshed?

Here are some helpful tips to assist in ensuring your new year is a healthy, more positive start. After all, the new year is a fabulous time to make changes and feel rejuvenated, so why not truly give it a shot?!

Focus on changing the behavior, not the outcome.
This is key to setting awesome goals for yourself. We cannot only focus on what we want, but focus on how we are going to get there. For example, let’s say you want to lose 10 pounds. If you only focus on that goal and the outcome you want, how on earth can you accomplish the weight loss and continue on this healthier path? We need to focus on what needs to change, not just the outcome. What areas of my lifestyle can be improved so I can reach that goal?
If we do not recognize and change our behaviors (eating poorly, too much sugar, not working out, etc.) our weight loss goal cannot be met and maintained long term. How can this be a lifestyle change and something we feel can be easily accomplished if we do not know and recognize the behaviors that lead to the weight loss?

Focus on recognizing and changing your behavior, and the rest will follow.

Create SMART goals.
Once you establish the goals/changes you want for year 2016, make sure that your goals can fit into all the categories below. And remember that a little trial and error is expected. Trial and error help us grow and learn.

SMART goals:

S-specific- Provide some serious details, people! This is key to meeting your New Year’s goals: who, what, where, when, why? You cannot go into the new year with a goal of ‘I want to lose weight’. Instead, get more specific by saying ‘I want to lose an average of 4 pounds per month for the next 12 months by joining a health club, drinking 100 ounces of water a day, and eating vegetables at each meal’. Know why and how to accomplish this goal, and write it all down; focus on your behaviors in order get to that desired outcome.

M-measurable- How is your goal going to be measured? By simply saying ‘I need to lose weight’ is not nearly enough. How can you measure that? Instead start saying, ‘I am going to lose 4 pounds a month for the next 12 months, and lose ____ inches around my waist’, you can assess your progress and depict whether or not you’re reaching your goal. When focusing on your behaviors, decide the amount of water to drink each day, the amount of vegetables at each meal, and the amount of time you will spend at a health club each week. Ask yourself, ‘how much/how many, and how will I know if my goal has been met’? By keeping yourself accountable using measurement, you stay on track. Plus, it feels so much better to measure your goals and have a sense of accomplishment when you can visually see progress and results!

A-attainable- How can you be successful in this goal? By being aware of how to reach your goal, you begin to see opportunities that bring you one step closer to goal achievement. Choices and changes you make help you to grow towards your goals and understand them better along the way. It’s all about awareness here!

R-realistic- How feasible is this goal? Don’t schedule yourself at the gym 7 days a week for 2 hours if you don’t have the time to do it. You can start small to create those habits. Know your goals and the changes in behavior that need to take place. Then be honest with yourself- can I do this? Avoid setting yourself up for failure.

T-timely- Give yourself a time limit. If there is no time limit, goals seem to fizzle out because we have no end point. Timelines give us something to aim for and help to motivate us along the way.

Don’t forget to ‘fill your bucket’
What good are goals if we forget to praise ourselves along the way? ‘Filling your bucket’ is a metaphor for providing yourself enough positivity to feel good about yourself each and every day. Fill your personal bucket with uplifting thoughts, motivation, and pats on the back each time you make choices to help in accomplishing your goals. Be aware of your progress as well as the adjustments you’re making to change your behavior, and give yourself credit for it. You are your best cheerleader!

Make mistakes, make a lot of them.
Say whaaaaat??? I promise I am not crazy! Mistakes help us to create new things, learn new things, attempt new things…By making mistakes you are living. Making mistakes helps us to push ourselves and make changes; you do things you’ve never done before. Make new mistakes. Make wonderful mistakes. Make mistakes that you never thought you would. Do not worry about not being good enough, or that you will be judged. Do not worry about being perfect. What ever you are fearful of doing….DO IT. Make mistakes in 2016 and forever.

Happy New Year, everyone!

-keep shining

HALT

December 15, 2015 / MelKai23 / 0 Comments

HALT
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired

The first time I heard about HALT was working with individuals who struggle with addiction. HALT is used a lot in relapse prevention programs, however I think it can be utilized daily by anyone who finds it beneficial. I use HALT a lot to ensure that I am taking care of myself and queuing into what my body is telling me that it needs. Simply asking yourself each day to assess your body for HALT symptoms (‘Am I hungry, angry, lonely, tired?’) will help you be more aware of what you need, and aware of how you’re interacting with the outside world. Paying attention to these simple needs is quick and easy, and will ensure that we are aware of our own well-being.

Hungry: Sounds pretty self-explanatory, right? But, how many of you skip meals or forget to eat when life gets busy? It happens more than we realize! We all know the importance of a healthy, balanced diet and how this truly is fuel for our brains. I know when I have skipped a meal or eaten late, I can feel myself get tired, impatient, and unfocused. There is no way to function every day feeling like that! For anyone to complete their daily tasks successfully they need to refuel their brains and bodies. People aren’t lying when they say breakfast is the most important meal. Even if you are not hungry in the mornings, try to get something in your body to fuel up your brain and body for the long day ahead. It is also so important to eat full meals throughout the day. We all get busy and have to settle for a granola bar now and again, but when you have time to plan ahead, try to prepare nutritious meals. There are many tips and tricks on the internet to take shortcuts and make meal preparation a breeze!

Angry: People associate anger as such a negative thing. Anger is just a feeling, it does not need to be anything more than that. It is okay to feel the way you feel. I wrote a blog about this a while back to remind you all that you are entitled to your own feelings! ( http://swsecrets.net/?p=43 ) Why are you angry? Just recognizing your anger can make a huge difference in the way you feel the rest of the day. Identify your anger. Have you ever tried ignoring your anger and then lashing out at someone later on in the day? We are all guilty of that, I bet! Taking time to recognize our anger and using steps to calm ourselves will keep us from lashing out at others. Plus, once we are aware of our anger it is less damaging to our mood. Awareness is everything.

Lonely: Everyone knows what it feels like to be lonely at some point in life. However, there is a difference between being lonely and being alone. If you feel lonely, there are always ways to make more connections with people. Whether that is online, community activities, scheduling more time to spend with friends…There are endless opportunities, and this is a great way to practice that self care I know you’ve been working on 😉 ( http://swsecrets.net/?p=174 ) Take a leap of faith and put yourself out there! Make a small effort each day to do one thing that helps you to feel connected to someone else. Just be sure to spend time with people who you feel comfortable with. Spending time with people that are not good influences in your life, or someone you’re not comfortable around, will not fulfill your feelings of loneliness. Make these interactions meaningful and fulfilling.
I personally struggle with being alone. I could be surrounded by people all the time and would rarely feel the need to have any alone time. This is something I am working on changing about myself because silence is a beautiful thing. We are constantly surrounding ourselves with noise, but just being in silence can be so peaceful. I do not listen to music on the way home from work anymore, and it feels so good! Silence is golden.

Tired: Being tired takes a serious toll on our bodies. How often do we feel ‘tired’ and practically chug 8 cups of coffee before noon? It’s easy to ignore how tired we are when each day is filled with meetings, errands, other activities…Our ability to think accurately diminishes when we are constantly running on fumes. And if you add hunger, loneliness, and anger in the mix…Look out! Increasing the amount of sleep you get each night or finding a few moments in the day to close your eyes may be all you need to have a better outlook on life each day. Satisfying your need for rest is what keeps us healthy- both physically and emotionally. Simply recharging your mind/brain can be helpful- using self care techniques such as listening to music or deep breathing may be all you need to get through the day, and recharge your batteries!

HALT is a quick reminder to be sure we are meeting our basic needs each and every day. Am I hungry, angry, lonely, or tired? Taking a simple assessment of our needs will help us to practice being more in-tune with our bodies. Just take one minute per day to HALT, think about yourself, and how to manage the remainder of your day. You owe it to yourself to be happy and healthy.

It is health that is real wealth, not pieces of gold and silver.

-keep shining

Category: Self Development (Page 11 of 13)

The Power of Vulnerability

In The Craziest Of Times, Be Present.

First Thought Wrong

2016, I’m Ready For You!

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