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Category: Self Development (Page 11 of 14)

What Am I Doing Here?

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We all do it…Have those moments of panic when thinking about what we are doing with our lives, where we are headed, and our inability to predict the future. We feel lost, unsure, confused, and may feel we are headed towards a dead end. I am here to remind you that those feelings can be normal; there is no need to panic!

There seems to be a lot of pressure behind finding our purpose in life; what we are meant to do here on earth, and how to best make use of our skills. It can take many years for us to find that purpose, if ever at all. This can be discouraging and stressful. But our purpose here should be anything but discouraging and stressful. Having purpose brings excitement and meaning to our lives, feelings of importance and happiness. We all want that for ourselves, and we all deserve to feel valuable to our society and the world.

I think it is important to remember that we were placed on this earth for a reason. Each and every one of us is special, and we are all here for a reason, whether we are consciously aware of that reason or not. Do not let thoughts of feeling insignificant keep you from being happy and finding purpose.  What you choose as your purpose in this life is completely up to you.

Here are some helpful ideas to help you feel as important and valuable as you truly are!……

Be a dreamer.… Dream about and focus on what you want your purpose to be. Dream about possibilities you feel are far from reach. Fantasize about making things you enjoy being a part of your purpose. Dream away!
Celebrate your mistakes…. I know I have told you this before, but be proud of and learn to love your mistakes! (Click here to view my blog on the importance of making mistakes)  Mistakes make us who we are. They form us, help us grow. Without mistakes, how would we learn? Being accepting of mistakes is crucial to learning our purpose. We need to accept that we are not perfect. Even when we find our purpose we will not practice our purpose perfectly. Part of finding our purpose is making mistakes. Mistakes are a part of our journey, so really try to enjoy the growth that comes from them. Just do YOU.
Challenge yourself….Do not surrender to low standards. Challenge yourself, push yourself, and trust that you are capable of more than you realize. Be confident in what you bring to the table!
Carry on…..When you’re exhausted, make a mistake, or feel defeated…Keep going! Hard work is valuable so try and try again. Carry on and you’ll get there! Hard work and determination are fabulous skills to have, and you will learn more about yourself and your capabilities along the way. Of course, not forgetting about our self care and giving ourselves a break now and again. (Click here to view my blog for self care)
Be open to thoughts and suggestions…. It is so important to stay open-minded. The more open we are to thoughts that come into our mind and to suggestions from others the more versatile we are. We consume and retain so much more information and knowledge when we are open to things, especially things outside of our comfort zone.  For example, I had never enjoyed public speaking. I was terrified of it and not good at it. I never in a million years would think that my purpose would include speaking in front of others. But, as you probably have guessed by now, that has been an important piece in my career. Being a voice for those who do not have one is part of what I feel my purpose is. It is so powerful! Being open to the suggestion of macro work including public speaking and running group sessions has been life changing for me. However, what I have felt my purpose is in life has changed many times, and that is okay! Purpose does not have to be the same your entire life, it can change. Whatever feels right to you at that time in your life can be your purpose.
Simplicity is good, too! Your purpose does not need to be extravagant and life changing.  Your purpose does not have to be your career or your day job. Your purpose can be as simple as being a kind, honest person each and every day. Your purpose can be to be a great parent. You do not need to have some big, grand plan for how you’re going to change the world. Whatever feels right to you right now can be your purpose. Strive to be great at the simple things and know that you’re contributing to society by doing so. 
Volunteer….
We can gain and learn so much from others. Viewing life from others’ perspectives and seeing the world in many viewpoints is huge to finding our own purpose and how we want to contribute to the world. Giving our time to others is a rewarding experience and helps us learn about what makes us ‘tick’.
Enjoy yourself and your journey….
This  is the most important part! Our mistakes, stressors, set backs, obstacles, frustrations make us who we are. We can look back on those moments and reminisce on the decisions we made along the way.  It is really interesting and fun to look back on our lives to think about where life has brought us; how we got to where we are today. Your journey shows your growth, and can be a great learning experience when you look back at all you’ve accomplished and been through.  Enjoy continuing along on this journey. After all, it is the only one you’ve got.

The two most important days in your life are the day you were born, and the day you find out why. ~Mark Twain

-keep shining

Happy Things Thursday

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1. Holidays off from work
2. Having your favorite leftovers for lunch the next day
3. Receiving a compliment from a stranger
4. Wearing shorts for the first time after a long winter
5. The anticipation of wearing a new outfit
6. Midday naps
7. Lunch breaks with friends
8. Unexpected raise or bonus at work
9. Someone buying you a treat, coffee, etc. unexpectedly
10. Watching someone’s face light up when you surprise them with something, just because…

The Power of Vulnerability

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It’s true….The word ‘vulnerable’ is viewed pretty negatively. It makes sense that the word is viewed negatively because to be vulnerable means that we are in a state of weakness, being more susceptible to physical or emotional harm. It reminds us that we have insecurities and cannot cope with everything that comes our way. And who wants to ever be in a state of weakness? Who would want to have insecurities?

In this society, there is so much importance placed upon being strong, independent, and smart. People strive to appear confident and unbreakable. It is a part of our society that has been engraved into our brains, especially for males. But, being strong and confident all the time is exhausting, is it not? Wouldn’t it be nice to put down the facade from time to time and admit that we just cannot handle it anymore?
Well what if I told you that embracing your weaknesses will make you a more confident individual? Would you believe me?

I want you to know that is it okay to be vulnerable…There is no greater strength as a human than to be open to vulnerability.

Personally, I have difficulty admitting to being wrong and apologizing. I feel extremely vulnerable when I know I am wrong because I know I need to own up to those mistakes and voice my apology where an apology is due. I know I cannot escape my mistake until I own up to it and make it right. I dread it, and frankly, I am bad at it. However, there is a huge feeling of relief and a huge feeling of empowerment when I own up to vulnerabilities such as these. There is something about breaking down your walls, being vulnerable, telling the truth, and admitting your weaknesses that feels so good. And do you want to know why?
Because we are human. Humans are supposed to have moments of weakness, humans are supposed to have faults. How do we learn if we do not let ourselves be vulnerable? It is in times of weakness that we learn our strengths, we learn what we are made of, and we learn how we are going to come out on top. That is immense strength. To be vulnerable is the ability to put our egos aside and know that doing so is okay. It is a part of healing wounds, it is a part of working on those vulnerabilities to make them our strengths. Having failures, feeling uncertain, and being accountable are all a normal part of life. So, since we have to deal with those things, why not embrace them and make it easier on ourselves?

When was a time where you felt your weakest? How did you overcome that, and what did you learn?
In the moment , feeling weak or hopeless is not ideal and not something we want to face. But afterwards, it can feel really great if we open ourselves up to accepting our weaknesses and work on them. Self-awareness plays a huge role here, and being open to looking at each vulnerability as something we need to learn from. Why is this something that makes me feel vulnerable? What about my past makes this situation so difficult to overcome? Why is this insecurity of mine coming to the surface? And how can I make the most of this situation?
Another important piece of self-awareness is to set healthy boundaries with others. You do not want people to take advantage of your vulnerabilities, so to be aware of them is to protect yourself as well.

I challenge you to start verbalizing how you feel in each moment and be open to revealing your flaws to others. This step is truly exhilarating.
Vulnerabilities are purposefully put into our lives because we are meant to put down our walls and overcome barriers. Ask yourself how you can make your vulnerabilities your biggest strengths.

We all have fears of sharing too much and not being accepted by others. We neglect ourselves of truly connecting with people when we are always focused on being desirable rather than being who we are. It takes courage to accept the parts of ourselves we are ashamed of. Embrace and celebrate your shortcomings, and be open to other people’s as well. Ironically enough, you will find that embracing your flaws will make you a more confident individual.

Moving on, I want you to know that vulnerability helps us to be more humble. One huge gift that vulnerability provides us with is to ask for and accept help from others. Being able to accept help and genuinely thank someone can be as difficult as saying I’m sorry. But we must have a healthy balance between giving and receiving. We feel strong when we are the giver, the ‘one who knows’. We love to give, which is a great thing! But, it takes a healthy dose of humility to accept help and admit that we do not know everything. It is overwhelming and stressful to always be the giver. Graciously accept help. To ask for help is to look at a situation squarely and know that you cannot do it all. Humans are not made to be perfect. Needing help is being real with yourself, it is being smart and realistic.

Tidbits to review today:
1. Focus on self-awareness in moments of weakness. Be aware of your vulnerabilities so you can set boundaries with others.
2.  Connect with people on a deeper level, do not focus on being desirable but instead on being YOU.
3. Celebrate and embrace your insecurities. They make you who you are, and by being more self-aware you can improve on those insecurities.
4. Failure and mistakes are normal. They make us human and help us learn.
5. Be open to revealing your flaws to others and verbalize how you feel, and know that it is okay to be uncertain sometimes.
6. To ask for help is humbling. It is smart and realistic to know that we cannot do it all. Asking for help and being the receiver is healthy. Accept help and provide thanks to the giver.

I define vulnerability as uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. To be human is to be in vulnerability. –  Brene’ Brown

 

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In The Craziest Of Times, Be Present.

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Picture this:

You are alone in the woods and are running away from a big, mean, and hungry bear. In the exhausting and terrifying moments that you’re fearing for your life, you find a bridge with a tall gate that you think you’d be able to squeeze through. Thankfully, you make it through the gate and escape the terror of the hungry bear behind you. Once through the gate and looking forward while trying to catch your breath, you notice that the other side of the bridge has broken off and the falling pieces  are ever-so-slowly creeping towards you. Looking below, you realize you’re too high up to jump off the bridge and land safely on the rocky terrain hundreds of feet below you.  Between the angry bear attempting to break through the gate, and the fate of falling from the cliff you reside on, you’re stuck and panicked.
During your state of terror, you notice hanging off the side of the bridge the most beautiful, colorful, and lively flower you’ve ever seen. Its beauty is memorizing, and you can’t help but go towards the flower and feel happy in its presence. You sit next to and admire  the flower, feeling relaxed when smelling its aroma and feeling comforted when touching its silky petals. In that moment, all is good with the world and you are at peace.

…Do you see where I am going with this?

Sometimes, all that we can do  is focus on the present moment. Sometimes, everything surrounding us is scary, chaotic, negative, hurtful…And these situations may sometimes be out of our control. How can we be more present in those situations, in the exact moment, and focus on what is in our control? How can we find the good, and focus on the good when we are in an environment that is anything but peaceful? There is always something we can focus on that is good. In any situation, we have the ability to know and understand that things can get better. In any moment, we can choose to surround ourselves with positive thoughts. We may not be able to choose what is happening around us or to us, but we can choose where our focus lies and how we respond. Sometimes, the best way to react is to focus on the beauty right in front of us, what makes us smile, and how lucky we are in the present moment.

In scary, chaotic, negative and hurtful moments…find the flower.

Think positive, be positive, and positive things will happen.

-keep shining

First Thought Wrong

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‘First thought wrong’ is a concept I learned from comedian Mark Lundholm. I first heard about Mark when working at a psychiatric and  addictions hospital where his motivational and comical videos were utilized in our treatment facility. I fell in love with  his concept of ‘first thought wrong’ as it pertains to individuals suffering with the disease of addiction and their impulsive mindset.  I also feel this concept can be utilized in many other aspects of our lives as it helps to remind ourselves to  s l o w d o w n  sometimes.

My definition of First Thought Wrong: Acting compulsively and speaking impulsively. Not taking the time to filter through our thoughts which leads to inappropriate responses. Speaking or doing too quickly. ‘First thought wrong’ is the concept of reacting too quickly therefore our responses may be wrong.

When I am using my emotions to think through a problem or disagreement, that is where I need to utilize this concept the most. How often do we respond impulsively using our emotions, rather than taking time to filter our thoughts and process our response before blurting it out loud?  It is when I am deeply connected to something that is being questioned that I get defensive and utilize my emotions to respond quickly, not giving myself any time to filter my words. ‘First thought wrong’ reminds me that typically in these heated and emotional moments, the first thing I plan to say may be wrong  and better kept to myself. It is a reminder that I should back up and count to 10 before acting or responding. This helps me to react logically and professionally rather than with my emotions.

One thing I have learned through social work is that silence is a good and helpful thing. Sometimes, no one has to say anything and we can all just be silent, process our thoughts, and take time to think things through. This is difficult, as sometimes 10 seconds can feel like 5 years! However, I have noticed that a little silence goes a long way, and sometimes not saying anything says a lot. Practice being comfortable in moments of silence, and do not feel badly about verbalizing your need to take some time to think through your response…. It is okay. You are benefitting yourself by slowing down and taking the extra time to formulate your responses.

Mark Lundholm states that sometimes his ‘first thought wrong’ can take many days to process through. It can take that long to remove ‘first thought wrong’ and replace it with the right thing to do. Sometimes it will take us days to replace  ‘first thought wrong’ to produce a  positive thought which leads to appropriate and calm  responses.

Think about a time when you could of utilized the concept of ‘first thought wrong’…. What would of have been different had you used this concept? What benefits could ‘first thought wrong’ have provided in this situation?

Take the extra time to calmly and correctly respond. You will learn more about yourself in the process, and that is something special!

First thought wrong becomes next right thing” – Mark Lundholm

-keep shining

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