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Do you ever have one of those weeks where nothing goes your way? Like the entire universe is against you and laughing at you…
I was having quite a pity party last week. I was not feeling the best, worked long hours, traveled a lot for work, and had numerous unpredictable mishaps. Not to mention, when you feel you’re having a bad week it seems you stub your toe on every corner, bite your tongue a few times, and don’t seem to get quite enough sleep. You name it, and I was complaining about it.
This happens to us all from time to time, doesn’t it? We just get in this rut of ‘life is hard’ and ‘I can’t even”. But I will tell you about an experience I had last week that totally changed my mindset. It was a great reminder that life really isn’t all that bad.
We had a youth event at my place of employment last week where homeless youth could come in for a hot bowl of soup and a free haircut. Amongst the youth walked in a 52 year old homeless man who had a long ponytail and looked disheveled. But one thing I noticed about this man is that he was in great spirits.
He stated that he heard we were giving free haircuts today, and of course we welcomed him openly to the event regardless of his age.
Along with getting a free haircut, this man grabbed himself a hot bowl of chili and started eating in our conference room. I walked into the conference room to say hi and have a conversation with this man, however I felt awkward staring at him while he ate. A coworker suggested I grab a bowl of soup and sit down with him, so I did just that.
Now trust me when I say that this man did not come up for air when he spoke to me. All it took was me sitting next to him with a bowl of chili for the flood gates to be opened. It took patience and some active listening from me to sit through this man’s unending and repetitive stories for an hour, but I tell you it was the best thing that has happened to me in a long time. It was a beautiful thing to witness unfold.
The art of listening is so powerful, and not something we utilize often enough as a society. We would gain so much from being able to listen to others, and not just listen to them but also hear what they are saying.
The reason I was able to be such a good listener that day is because I knew that this man probably hadn’t had a single person listen to him in a very long time. He was alone, homeless, and an addict who was working towards becoming healthy again. All it took from me to make sure this man felt heard and loved that day, was to listen. And how simple is that? The simple act of listening and allowing someone to feel heard is so ridiculously powerful. Yes, it took an hour out of my day to do so, but what better way to spend that hour than to be sure you’re making a difference in someone’s life who is less fortunate than you. I have a warm home to return to, I know I will have food in my belly, and I know I have a huge support system of people who I can turn to. One hour is not so bad when you think about all the great things you have in your world.
Amongst being homeless and disheveled, this man was grateful, he was cheery, he was warm, he was harmless. Once I started listening to him, I did not even see what was on the surface. I only saw his great spirited attitude. Once we give someone a chance, rather than focus on judging at first glance, we can learn so much.
Without any prompting, he told me about where he was from, his past, his addiction, his health, his life goals, and his art that he is so passionate about. After he left, one of my coworkers said to me, “Wow, you did such a great job listening to that man, I would not have been able to do that”. That is when it dawned on me that it is really difficult for us in this society to take time out of our day to listen instead of talk. But not only to listen, but to hear what is being said….To take what is being said and apply it to our lives in order to better people. It truly is a difficult task that takes some humility and discipline to accomplish. But by doing this, we gain so much, and unfortunately it is so overlooked.
How often do we just wait our turn to speak next? Not listening to the one currently with the microphone, but just waiting our turn to say what we think needs to be said. How often do we have a question or thought while someone is speaking, and then make that our focus rather than continuing to hear what that person is saying? All to often, this is how we communicate in our society, thus not leaving any room to grow and learn as individuals. It is through others that we learn about humility, acceptance, and diversity. And I was so grateful to have that opportunity on the day that I met the 52 year old homeless man in great spirits.
When asked if my cup is half full or half empty, my response is always that I am grateful to have a cup ~
-keep shining
(Don’t forget to ‘like’ and share my Facebook page and posts at www.facebook.com/secretsofsw/ )
Breaking News:
There is no such thing as the future. The future is our make-believe. It is where we think up the most exciting parts of our lives, as well as where we create some seriously stressful situations.
Our mind is where we are predicting a future while simultaneously missing out on the present moments in our lives.
My thoughts about the future are chaotic. Sometimes I think of things that I assume will happen, and get really excited when they do. But other times, my thoughts of the future leave me really disappointed when life does not pan out the way I assumed. Does this ever happen to you?
On the flip side, sometimes I assume certain stressful or scary situations are going to occur, and they never do. It is true, after all, that 90% of what we stress about each day does not happen. The what if’s, just in case’s, but’s, the what would happen if’s…..They are endless.
The truth? The stressful thoughts do not predict our future, and neither do the positive assumptions.
Think about how much time we waste focusing on the make-believe future instead of what is right in front of us. We lose out on many moments in life because our focus is on what’s coming next, instead of the ‘now’. We need to focus on the ‘now’ to develop a more confident, focused, and successful self. The ‘now’ helps us to learn gratitude and patience for what is coming next since we are content in our present self.
I challenge you to think this thought: I am open-minded towards the future and what is or is not going to happen…
Think about the relief that can come with this thought when you truly believe it. We do not need to worry about things panning out perfectly, or be disappointed when they don’t. Sometimes we have no control over parts of our lives or the paths we are meant to take, and we just have to accept that- plain and simple.
The unpredictability of our life path is fun, it’s exciting, and it’s how we learn to be our best selves. We cannot plan our futures, but we can focus on what is in our control and what is going well right now. What am I enjoying right now in this moment, and how can I capitalize on that?
Let’s start turning away from focusing on the ‘what-you-want-is-what-will-be-the-reality’ frame of mind. We can focus on what we want, loosely, while also understanding that life takes you down an unpredictable stream, and we can’t craft our future as we envision. Stuff happens, and if we want to make the most out of life we must be flexible and open to this.
I will challenge you to work on some grounding techniques which can be researched easily online, or check out my past blog on grounding. <—click here
Think about how many curve balls you’ve been thrown in your life, and how those got you to the present moment….
What have been some life changing moments in your life?
Once you determine those moments, think about how your life may be different now had those curve balls never been thrown your way.
That is pretty incredible, isn’t it? And I bet it was unpredictable too!
The future belongs to those who believe in the power of now.
-keep shining
We all do it…Have those moments of panic when thinking about what we are doing with our lives, where we are headed, and our inability to predict the future. We feel lost, unsure, confused, and may feel we are headed towards a dead end. I am here to remind you that those feelings can be normal; there is no need to panic!
There seems to be a lot of pressure behind finding our purpose in life; what we are meant to do here on earth, and how to best make use of our skills. It can take many years for us to find that purpose, if ever at all. This can be discouraging and stressful. But our purpose here should be anything but discouraging and stressful. Having purpose brings excitement and meaning to our lives, feelings of importance and happiness. We all want that for ourselves, and we all deserve to feel valuable to our society and the world.
I think it is important to remember that we were placed on this earth for a reason. Each and every one of us is special, and we are all here for a reason, whether we are consciously aware of that reason or not. Do not let thoughts of feeling insignificant keep you from being happy and finding purpose. What you choose as your purpose in this life is completely up to you.
Here are some helpful ideas to help you feel as important and valuable as you truly are!……
Be a dreamer.… Dream about and focus on what you want your purpose to be. Dream about possibilities you feel are far from reach. Fantasize about making things you enjoy being a part of your purpose. Dream away!
Celebrate your mistakes…. I know I have told you this before, but be proud of and learn to love your mistakes! (Click here to view my blog on the importance of making mistakes) Mistakes make us who we are. They form us, help us grow. Without mistakes, how would we learn? Being accepting of mistakes is crucial to learning our purpose. We need to accept that we are not perfect. Even when we find our purpose we will not practice our purpose perfectly. Part of finding our purpose is making mistakes. Mistakes are a part of our journey, so really try to enjoy the growth that comes from them. Just do YOU.
Challenge yourself….Do not surrender to low standards. Challenge yourself, push yourself, and trust that you are capable of more than you realize. Be confident in what you bring to the table!
Carry on…..When you’re exhausted, make a mistake, or feel defeated…Keep going! Hard work is valuable so try and try again. Carry on and you’ll get there! Hard work and determination are fabulous skills to have, and you will learn more about yourself and your capabilities along the way. Of course, not forgetting about our self care and giving ourselves a break now and again. (Click here to view my blog for self care)
Be open to thoughts and suggestions…. It is so important to stay open-minded. The more open we are to thoughts that come into our mind and to suggestions from others the more versatile we are. We consume and retain so much more information and knowledge when we are open to things, especially things outside of our comfort zone. For example, I had never enjoyed public speaking. I was terrified of it and not good at it. I never in a million years would think that my purpose would include speaking in front of others. But, as you probably have guessed by now, that has been an important piece in my career. Being a voice for those who do not have one is part of what I feel my purpose is. It is so powerful! Being open to the suggestion of macro work including public speaking and running group sessions has been life changing for me. However, what I have felt my purpose is in life has changed many times, and that is okay! Purpose does not have to be the same your entire life, it can change. Whatever feels right to you at that time in your life can be your purpose.
Simplicity is good, too! Your purpose does not need to be extravagant and life changing. Your purpose does not have to be your career or your day job. Your purpose can be as simple as being a kind, honest person each and every day. Your purpose can be to be a great parent. You do not need to have some big, grand plan for how you’re going to change the world. Whatever feels right to you right now can be your purpose. Strive to be great at the simple things and know that you’re contributing to society by doing so.
Volunteer….We can gain and learn so much from others. Viewing life from others’ perspectives and seeing the world in many viewpoints is huge to finding our own purpose and how we want to contribute to the world. Giving our time to others is a rewarding experience and helps us learn about what makes us ‘tick’.
Enjoy yourself and your journey…. This is the most important part! Our mistakes, stressors, set backs, obstacles, frustrations make us who we are. We can look back on those moments and reminisce on the decisions we made along the way. It is really interesting and fun to look back on our lives to think about where life has brought us; how we got to where we are today. Your journey shows your growth, and can be a great learning experience when you look back at all you’ve accomplished and been through. Enjoy continuing along on this journey. After all, it is the only one you’ve got.
The two most important days in your life are the day you were born, and the day you find out why. ~Mark Twain
-keep shining
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